Anyone Can Be A 1% Right Wing Douchebag!

[Colonel Sanders]

Matt Gurney ...... Nov 23, 2011

I am a douchebag, and it feels amazing.

Last week, the good people at Occupy Toronto drew up a list of Right-Wing Douchebags who had distorted the news. There didn’t seem to be any firm criteria for winning a nomination for the category — you didn’t even need to have written a word about the Occupiers to be nominated. Just ask Christie Blatchford, one of two Post columnists honoured by a douchebag declaration from the occupiers despite the fact she hadn’t had time to cover the protest due to her having relocated to Kingston to cover the Shafia trial. Also listed from the National Post was Chris Selley, who is neither particularly right-wing nor a douchebag (take it from the guy who sits next to him — he’s about as pleasant and good-natured a neighbour as you could ask for).

This week, the protesters decided to expand on their earlier list of Right-Wing Douchebags. Added were many Toronto-area media personalities who would be delighted with the recognition, and I’m not too humble to admit that yours truly was one of them.

To be included in the company of such fellow douchebags as Michael Coren, Jerry Agar and Rosie DiManno is an honour all by itself. I feel like Nirvana after Weird Al asked if he could parody one of their songs — this is how you know you have arrived.

Of course, I can’t let it go to my head. There is still one more step to climb on my way to the top here, and so far, the only one of us to do it is John Tory, of NewsTalk 1010 CFRB (Or OPINIONTalk, as the Occupiers see it). He has a very special note next to his douchebag nomination: He “is 1%.” I say again: John Tory is 1%. (I think they mean he has mega bucks, not that he is skim milk.)

Congratulations, John. But be warned. Now that I have equalled you for “douchebaggery,” as it’s known, I’m just one CEO-ship of a major Canadian corporation away from giving you a run for your money as Toronto’s leading 1% douchebag. Watch your back, my friend.