Mental Health 2. Processing an accident

[rookiepilot]

This is a sensitive post for me to write, but it's the right time. I'm writing it as writing has always been good for me; it's for others though processing their own events in life. Although the accident was not my fault, it's been difficult to process. I write it from that perspective.

In advance I will kindly ask -- trolls need not respond. I'm not interested, and I'll simply ignore you. Thank you.

It was a beautiful spring day a few years back.

I headed out in my R182 to do a few practice IFR approaches with a safety pilot friends, at YXU and YHM. The training went well and after a good workout, I headed back to home base. The landing was fine and I noticed no issues with the aircraft as I taxied in and put it away.

I was pretty familiar with this plane. I'd been flying a lot for personal and volunteer purposes, VFR and IFR, and had been all over north america in it. In less than 3 I'd put maybe 450 hours on it, nothing for commercial guys but not bad as a CPL flying privately. I'd had it up in weather and it and I could handle winds to around 30 knots, even a decent crosswind with that big rudder.

The weather was just too nice to go home. After a rest and a snack, I decided to head over to Brantford for some gas and a few VFR circuits there.

I did a quick walk around, checked oil and dipped the tanks, having done my usual longer inspection routine on the first flight of the day. I had a pretty consistent routine I followed, which included inspecting the nose wheel assembly. I pulled it out, taxied and brief run up, all seemed fine.

It was late afternoon now, Cavok weather as I descended for the downwind, Runway 05 at Brampton. Winds were very light, the pattern was empty. The plane was very light, just me and 1/4 tanks. I planned a few circuits, then Gas then home.

I dropped gear and flaps, everything seemed fine, green gear light and in my gear mirror, everything looked as it should.

Or so I thought.

I touched down straight, on center line, main gear first. I'd never done a nosewheel landing in this plane, something with that heavy nose I was very aware of. All seemed fine. Then the nosewheel touched, and all hell broke loose.

The plane violently -- I mean like a giant hand had grabbed it -- and spun it fully 90 degrees left. I stepped hard on the right rudder, then right brake , then both brakes as the plane went sideways. I left the runway surface, and being very light, the nosewheel dug in, and in the soft spring earth I had just enough momentum to flip. Any weight in the back, and I wouldn't have.

So I'm upside down, in shock. My 4 point held me in place, I woke up and quickly got out, and moved away, in shock and disbelief.

An ambulance crew happened to be there dropping off an medivac. They came over and took charge of me. I was fine, just shaken up. There was no fire and the plane was largely intact, although wrinkled. A lot of labour would be needed, too much for my coverage.

So what happened?

Well, TC and my insurance adjuster came out, and we went over everything the next morning.

The landing gear remained full extended. Tires did not even burst. The firewall was not wrinkled. So --It was not a severely hard landing.

Winds were 5-7 knots, so I did not lose control.....no.

The nose gear was fully extended -- but the left fork was completely fractured, the right bent but it held. The left fork, when it fractured,
jammed the nosewheel to a hard left angle, explaining the runway loss of control.

TC removed the nosewheel assembly, suspecting metal fatigue. The answer on that -- "Maybe" which meant to me not proof enough issue an AD.

I was not the first owner of the aircraft. I'd also landed it in strong winds many times, and on gravel. I don;t recall any of those overly stressing the nosewheel -- but anything is possible. Just before the accident, I'd been in the US, and the FBO moved the AC without me watching. Maybe through ground handling -- it was over torqued.

Skid marks: When we looked at my landing spot, we saw a skid from the right main, when I stepped on it, followed by the left main, when I jammed on both brakes -- sliding sideways.

Prior to both of those, were solid skid marks that could only have come from the nosewheel. My best guess -- the nosewheel extended and then turned sideways to the nose of the plane. Landing this way, overloaded the left fork, causing structural failure. It would seem the nosewheel steering mechanism failed, then.

It was a class 5 investigation -- so very informal -- as there were no injuries. Thankfully, I was alone.

I did some searching, and found a couple of other very similar sounding accidents---involving Cessna's -- FWIW.

Hopefully this is educational for someone!

[Meatservo]

Not trolling, just asking: I can't work out how this incident could have possibly been your fault in any way. Other than the shock of having been in an accident, why is it bothering you enough to bring up mental health? Are you experiencing a bit of post-traumatic stress?

[rookiepilot]

Not trolling, just asking: I can't work out how this incident could have possibly been your fault in any way. Other than the shock of having been in an accident, why is it bothering you enough to bring up mental health? Are you experiencing a bit of post-traumatic stress?

I did at the time. It's more my family events in the recent past.

I've struggled with it because I'm very much a -- "whatever happens -- It's my responsibility" type of guy. I've prided myself on being a very responsible, very prepared pilot -- at least by PPL standards. So yeah....I wonder if I missed something I shouldn't have

[digits_]

Not trolling, just asking: I can't work out how this incident could have possibly been your fault in any way. Other than the shock of having been in an accident, why is it bothering you enough to bring up mental health? Are you experiencing a bit of post-traumatic stress?

I've witnessed a similar event, albeit with less consequences, where a friend of mine landed the plane, had a brake lock for whatever reason, slid sideways of the runway, which released the brake and he got it back on the runway. There was no damage, and nobody really blamed him (openly), but there was still always that voice in his head that made him doubt if he could have handled it differently and/or avoided it.

I can see how an accident like this, with damage, even if nobody really blames you, can affect you and your flying.

[Meatservo]

Oh. Well I can assure you that mechanical failures and metal-fatigue are waiting in the wings for all of us. As a pilot, you are correct to assume responsibility for the OUTCOME of events, but you can hardly be expected to anticipate all of them. Go easy on yourself.

[rookiepilot]

Oh. Well I can assure you that mechanical failures and metal-fatigue are waiting in the wings for all of us. As a pilot, you are correct to assume responsibility for the OUTCOME of events, but you can hardly be expected to anticipate all of them. Go easy on yourself.

Thanks.

FWIW both TC guy -- very experienced -- and the insurance guy -- ditto -- were quite reassuring they didn't see how It could have been my fault with what they saw.

[trey kule]

From your description it sounds like this is what we refer to as an accident.
You are ok (at least physically). Airplanes can be fixed or replaced.

As meatservo posted. Go easy on yourself.

It is unfortunate in this time of social media, that there are those who do not want to wait to find out the facts, but post anything that pops into their heads. Don’t worry about them. Those of us who have been flying longer than most of those types fathers have lived, know things like this happen. No pilot error at all. And nothing you could have done to change the outcome. It was an accident.

[beaverpuq]

Had a Beaver quit on me two months in to my commercial career. One thing was for sure. It won’t fly long without power. In your case. You can’t steer it if you can’t steer it. I very quickly asked myself, what do you want to do for a living? Answer, fly. That worked for me. Best of luck going forward.

[rookiepilot]

Had a Beaver quit on me two months in to my commercial career. One thing was for sure. It won’t fly long without power. In your case. You can’t steer it if you can’t steer it. I very quickly asked myself, what do you want to do for a living? Answer, fly. That worked for me. Best of luck going forward.

My perception of a beaver's glide ability....isn't that good.

[photofly]

Even when you know you're not at fault for some dreadful outcome, it can be be helpful to hear other people remind you of it. Unfortunately mechanical failures can lead to bad outcomes beyond a pilot's control. I hope you've done some flying since then?

[rookiepilot]

Even when you know you're not at fault for some dreadful outcome, it can be be helpful to hear other people remind you of it. Unfortunately mechanical failures can lead to bad outcomes beyond a pilot's control. I hope you've done some flying since then?

Some. Not nearly enough, as what happened in our family, immediately followed. Been a fun couple of years....

[Big Pistons Forever]

When I was an Instructor I had a student retract the gear instead of the flaps on a touch and go landing. I was a half second too slow stopping them as only the right main gear folded but the airplane still ended up wrecked. The only good news was talking to the CFI the next day ( the day of the accident he was away on Holidays). He said "well I am sure you won't let your student do that again ..... and your 10 Oclock student is waiting for you"

You got to get back in the saddle again but it is hard not to beat yourself up ....

Funny story related to that accident. After the airplane slid to a stop I saw a growing puddle of avgas under the right wing. So we quickly got all the switches off, bailed out and ran over to the side of the runway. I did not make a radio call but figured that an airplane lying at a drunken angle and 2 people running from it would get a response from the fire hall. After several minutes with nothing happening I started to wonder what to do and then finally saw a bunch of trucks heading my way

I got the story later. Turned out the big cheese from Ottawa was visiting and wanted to see the guys in action. So they went to the practice field and lit up there practice rig. The boss of the airport fire brigade was in full rhetorical flight about how good his guys were when the bell went off . There was a hearty " OH FU*CK" and a mad scramble to put out the practice fire and get out to me.

[rookiepilot]

You got to get back in the saddle again but it is hard not to beat yourself up ....

Right on both counts.

[DH82EH]

I respect you having the wherewithal to post this here.
I agree with the statement that this was an accident.
The chances of catching a cracked fork during a walk around are slim at best.
People tell you not to beat yourself up, but one thing is for sure. No one can tell you how to feel.
We just have to accept our emotions and let reason, training and experience carry us forth to get back on the horse.

Best to you sir.
For many, these have been difficult times.

[Aviatard]

.

[rookiepilot]

Some things are within our control, some are not. Even if you had closely inspected that fork, it seems unlikely you would have seen anything. This accident is down to bad luck and not something you could have reasonably prevented. Sometimes thing just break. It sounds like you did the best that could be done in a bad circumstance.

I recall this happening at Brantford, not Brampton though, and I've never seen that aircraft at Burlington again so I assume it was written off.

Correct. It was bought from the insurer as a rebuild project; the labour quote was too high with the wrinkling

[Rockie]

You were in no way at fault here Rookiepilot and could not have changed the outcome of the incident in any way.

What hasn't been addressed here though is the uncomfortable fact that pilots actually do make mistakes all the time and that we need to recognize and accept that. The vast majority have little to no detrimental effect on the flight, but if we first accept that mistakes will happen and resolve to a) not let that error detract from our performance for the rest of the flight, and b) learn from the mistake for the future, then we turn a negative into a positive.

Airlines, NASA, and militaries all recognize errors happen despite our best efforts and promote a "Threat and Error Management" model to effectively deal with them when they do. You didn't make a mistake in this incident, but as you are human I guarantee you make them at other times. If you want to continue flying you need to use those errors. Do not bury them in the back recesses of your brain in shame and try and forget them, instead put them in the active "lessons learned" file and carry on.

[rookiepilot]

You were in no way at fault here Rookiepilot and could not have changed the outcome of the incident in any way.

What hasn't been addressed here though is the uncomfortable fact that pilots actually do make mistakes all the time and that we need to recognize and accept that. The vast majority have little to no detrimental effect on the flight, but if we first accept that mistakes will happen and resolve to a) not let that error detract from our performance for the rest of the flight, and b) learn from the mistake for the future, then we turn a negative into a positive.

Airlines, NASA, and militaries all recognize errors happen despite our best efforts and promote a "Threat and Error Management" model to effectively deal with them when they do. You didn't make a mistake in this incident, but as you are human I guarantee you make them at other times. If you want to continue flying you need to use those errors. Do not bury them in the back recesses of your brain in shame and try and forget them, instead put them in the active "lessons learned" file and carry on.

What's interesting is reflecting on the serious errors I have made as a pilot; a couple I can think of that left uncorrected (involving weather) could have killed me. Yet this happened 10 minutes from home on a perfect day.

[Rockie]

You were in no way at fault here Rookiepilot and could not have changed the outcome of the incident in any way.

What hasn't been addressed here though is the uncomfortable fact that pilots actually do make mistakes all the time and that we need to recognize and accept that. The vast majority have little to no detrimental effect on the flight, but if we first accept that mistakes will happen and resolve to a) not let that error detract from our performance for the rest of the flight, and b) learn from the mistake for the future, then we turn a negative into a positive.

Airlines, NASA, and militaries all recognize errors happen despite our best efforts and promote a "Threat and Error Management" model to effectively deal with them when they do. You didn't make a mistake in this incident, but as you are human I guarantee you make them at other times. If you want to continue flying you need to use those errors. Do not bury them in the back recesses of your brain in shame and try and forget them, instead put them in the active "lessons learned" file and carry on.

What's interesting is reflecting on the serious errors I have made as a pilot; a couple I can think of that left uncorrected (involving weather) could have killed me. Yet this happened 10 minutes from home on a perfect day.

In honest conversations over beer you'll find we all have stories like that.

[ayseven]

Absolutely. Your thoughts on it are not unique. We are not supposed to talk about that sort of thing though; kind of an unwritten code or something.