"So, you want a rectal exam, eh?"

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"So, you want a rectal exam, eh?"

Post by Castorero »

Pilots have a shared reluctance when it comes to going to the Doc for a check up.

I share the same feeling, after all, it could be the visit that derails one's flying, professional or private.

All of us will submit to the mandated Medical when it is due and hope for the best.

No one is less happy than the pilot who finds himself subjected to a rectal/prostate exam for "no good reason":

- I just had it done...

- I had one when I was younger...

- My GP is gonna do it at my next visit...

- I am just not ready for that...

- nobody ever did that before...

- It's not part of the Pilot's Physical, is it?..., Etc

Who says that pilots don't have a sense of humor?

Some of the best retorts often surface during the actual exam, perhaps owing to the applied pressure necessary for a short finger to reach the target:

- Gee, Doc, I don't think we have been properly introduced ...

- Jesus Christ, You could have kissed me first!!...

- you might as well check my tonsils while you are up there !...

- I want a second opinion... Holy Sheit what are you doing ? Doc..., "You wanted a second opinion, I am using two fingers..."

Nobody wants a second opinion.

Perhaps the best tale came from my own CAME a couple of weeks ago when at my request he was rummaging around my backside looking for the prostate, " Take your time," I said, "I am enjoying this..."

" Funny you say that... he said, "it reminds me, years ago when I was doing a first Medical on a Mariner.

I had him lie down on his side and told him that I would be doing the prostate exam.
No sooner had I started the exam that he jumped off the table and towering over me, shouted "YOU GODDAMMED FORKING HOMOSEXUAL SOB , WHAT THE FORK YOU THINK YO'RE DOING ?? "

" He obviously had never had THE exam and didn't know what a prostate was, much less where it was located. I quickly explained the reason and the routine and he calmed down, but it did raise my blood pressure some."

If you cant have a little fun at work , you might as well give it up...

He was taking some time off and had a Locum looking after the practice.

One day an older patient came by the farm and found him in the shop changing the oil on the 7210.
After a little small talk, he said, " listen... I was by the office last week and your replacement did my physical and checked the prostate, PSA and all, she said everything was ok, but, You know I trust your finger telling you what's what, after all YOU have been at it for a long time, would you mind rechecking it for me ?

"What, here, now ?"

"Why not ?, good place as any"

" But I have no lube or gloves here" he retorted

"What's wrong with the gloves you got on ? "

He wasn't taking no for an answer... So he changed into another pair of black polys and asked him to assume the position, next to the bench in the middle of the shop.

He went over to the first aid cabinet to retrieve the jar of Vaseline , and a new tube of Moly grease from under the bench.
When the exam was done he pulled the cap off the Moly, dipped a finger in it, and placed the tube nonchalantly on the bench where he could see it...

"WTH ?? " he said, pointing to the tube...

" Dont worry... that axle grease will be good for at least a hundred miles ."

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Last edited by Castorero on Thu Nov 12, 2020 1:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: "So, you want a rectal exam, eh?"

Post by lownslow »

I always thought the necessity of giving that exam was like a cruel joke on all the kids who went to med school with dreams of an easy life after grad and seeing eighteen holes a day...
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Re: "So, you want a rectal exam, eh?"

Post by mijbil »

Here is a true story although I wasn't actually in the room to verify it. In the RCAF a female doc was giving THE exam to a SARTECH. He looks over his shoulder and says to her "I guess this means we're married". She looks confused and says something like "pardon me I don't understand".

"You've got my ring on your finger"

There were repercussions but no-one got fired and it gave us all at the next door squadron something to laugh about on the next 10 hour patrol.
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