This forum is for non aviation related topics, political debate, random thoughts, and everything else that just doesn't seem to fit in the normal forums. ALL FORUM RULES STILL APPLY.
Ok. Everybody here bitches about pay, schedule, crappy planes, itchy underwear or that unknown lady from the foggy dew that gave you the itch and burn.
But, let's here about the honest rant that you have. Who cares about the one day you didn't get off, or the 200 dollars somebody didn't pay you. We all know you deserved it, but your employer is to stupid to understand the fact that if they pay you the extra $$. they won' thave to fork out 5 times as much to train somebody new with no expierence cause your pissed off and would rather go work for somebody else then put up with their BS.
So, let the rants begin. I'm sure someone has something good to say.
For example, i heard of a company punishing employees with co pilots pay, but giving them an upgrade to captain. Though that doesn't effect me, that's just stupid.
Going through an extensive background check and fingerprinting, taking a day out of my life to attend a bullshit security class at the GTAA, then getting strip searched on the way to the plane while some guy in a catering uniform, pushing an enclosed trolley large enough to house a Taliban Swat Team, breezes right on through unchecked.
Airport security, the biggest oxymoron out there, not to mention the most expensive.
Now, I don't want to get off an a rant here, but flying in this
country has turned into an amazingly arduous process, especially
boarding the plane, which has now become this tedious, Bataan death
march with American Tourister overnight bags. I get stuck behind this
one guy who takes forever to get situated. He's clogging the aisle
like a piece of human cholesterol jammed in the passengerial artery.
You just want to get that soft drink cart and flush his ass out the
back door. He's folding that sport jacket like he's in the color
guard at Arlington National Cemetery.
Or else I get stuck behind a wizard who wants to beat the system
by gaffer-taping a twine handle onto a refrigerator-freezer box and
calling it "carry on," wedging it into the overhead with hydraulic
jacks. It's like trying to get Pavarotti into a wet suit, for
Christ's sake.
And exactly when did stewardesses in this country get so f_cking
cranky? I know it's a tough job -- there's got to be a thousand
different ways to tie that neckerchief, but why piss on me, huh? You
know, the worst thing about it is they don't even come clean with you
and tell you how much they hate you. They treat you with that highly
contrived air of mock civility, that tight, pursed-lip grin where they
nod agreement with everything you say. You know right behind that
face plate they barely tolerate your very existence. I'd rather they
just come out in the open and say, "Hey, listen, _sshole: when I was
eighteen years old, I made a horrible vocational error, all right? I
turned in my entire adult life for cheap airfare to Barbados. Now
I've got hair with the tensile strength of Elsa Lanchester in 'Bride
of Frankenstein.' I haven't met Mr. Right. I'm a waitress in a bad
restaurant at thirty thousand feet. Jam your Diet Slice up your _ss,
all right?" At least show me something. Come down the aisle like the
old broad in 'From Russia with Love' with the knife point coming out
of her shoe. "Peanuts, Mr. Bond?"
What about when you leave the plane and they've got them propped
by the front door in that complete android catatonic stupor, where
they look like the Yul Bryner robot from 'Westworld' when he blew a
headpipe and iced Marcus Welby's assistant? "Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye."
It's like your stockbroker on Thorazine or something.
And am I the only one who likes to get on a plane and unwind with
a good book? Sit there in a little peace and quiet. I'm constantly
in conversation with complete strangers -- always being approached by
these overly ebullient Jonathan Livingston Human types. This
eighteen-year-old kid who's on his way back from Aruba and wants to
show me this skull bong he purchased there that's carved out of
volcanic rock. You know he's always got a dream he wants me to
interpret for him. And you're afraid to not talk to him. You never
know who the f_cking terrorist is on the plane. I'd hate to alienate
anybody who's looking for a prom date to Valhalla.
There's a lot of terrorism in the air, but you know when you walk
through the air terminal and see the crack security people manning the
perimeter, I think we all sleep the sleep of angels. Came into
Phoenix the other day, the woman working the X-ray machine had the
attention span of Boo Radley. She's sitting there like Captain Pike
from "Star Trek." She had a channel flicker. She's watching baggage
from other airports, for Christ's sake.
You think pilots make fun of those guys who bring them the last
ten feet into the terminal with those cone flashlights? "Well, thank
YOU, Vasco da Gama. I kited in from Malaysia, you're going to take me
the last furlong, Captain Eveready. I hope you don't blow a D-cell.
I'd hate to be stuck out here in the Bermuda Tarmac for the rest of my
life."
What about those masks that drop down in the event of
decompression? That's a pretty flimsy-looking apparatus, isn't it?
Doesn't this look remarkably like a Parkay margarine cup on the end of
an enema bag or something? They always have these bizarre
instructions to start the flow of oxygen. "Tug down lightly on the
cord." Yeah, you know when I'm shoulder-rolling at seven hundred
miles per hour, "lightly" just isn't in my f_cking vocabulary, all
right? You know people are going to be Conaning those things right
off the bulkhead. Something intrinsically cruel having the last forty
seconds of your life turn into a "Lucy" skit.
I think instead of oxygen, they ought to pump in nitrous oxide.
This way, if the plane does wreck, that first rescue team comes onto
the scene: you're up in a tree, still strapped in your seat, just
laughing your _ss off. Guy says, "Bobby, get over here. Look how hip
this guy is. I mean, he's naked, he's blue, he's howling! This cat
is centered, huh?!"
You know what I hate is when you're sitting in coach class and
they pull that curtain on first class. Oh, I see, they paid and extra
forty dollars, and I'm a f_cking leper. I always get the feeling that
if the plane's about to wreck, the front compartment breaks off into a
little "Goldfinger" miniplane. They're on their way to Rio, and I'm a
charcoal briquette on the ground.
You know who I feel sorry for in the whole air travel scenario?
It's the poor b_stard who has to drive the jetway. You know that
little accordion tentacle that weaves its way out to meet the plane?
Everybody else is Waldo Pepperin' around in their Bobby Lansing
leather bomber jackets, the right stuff coursing through their veins
as they push the outside of the envelope. Your job is to drive the
building.
A lot of qualifications to sit next to that exit door, huh? When
did that happen? I've been a physical klutz for years. I'm like
Clouseau. Nobody's ever said a word. All of a sudden they want me to
be a f_cking Navy SEAL. I guess they want to be sure the person
sitting there doesn't panic in the event that the plane goes down in
water. Item number 8 on the qualification list was "You must not be
Ted Kennedy."
[Dennis Miller]
Dockjock wrote: You think pilots make fun of those guys who bring them the last
ten feet into the terminal with those cone flashlights? "Well, thank
YOU, Vasco da Gama. I kited in from Malaysia, you're going to take me
the last furlong, Captain Eveready. I hope you don't blow a D-cell.
I'd hate to be stuck out here in the Bermuda Tarmac for the rest of my
life."
I had an employer try to withold my paycheque (and the Captains) because we didn't submit our 30-90's on time. We were both on holidays and didn't receive the memo saying this was mandatory. We delayed the flight 15 minutes until we got paid. Stupid stunt by management in my opinon.
P.C. people who come on forums such as Avcanada stating they are new to aviation and take up everyones time answering mundane questions that their flight instructors either neglected to or were to stupid to explain to them....
...then get all holier than thou and get people kicked off the forum because someone post something that is insensitive to their way of life.
Not to mention that they scream " you are threatening me "
Fu.k off you P.C. double standard jerks.
Cat
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The hardest thing about flying is knowing when to say no
After over a half a century of flying no one ever died because of my decision not to fly.
You know what pisses me off? People who call in to dispatch and whine about everything, WHA this airline didnt call, WHA im a whiny pilot, then they go on about their wives or husbands and how life sucks, well after dispatching forever, i just reply got a gun? i got some bullets you can have? wanna give me your times now? or should i sit here and pick my ass while you babble on about your bullshit life??!!!!! OH MY I need to quit this job
Spoken like a true resident of Saskabush. If you were to ask a native Albertan (if you can find one amongst all us smelly, carpetbagging Easterners), they'd tell you that anything east of HWY2 might as well be in Newfoundland.
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Please don't tell my mother that I work in the Oilpatch...she still thinks that I'm the piano player at a whorehouse.
Letsee, I could go on forever... But to name the big ones:
Incompetence. I can't stand it - it's unexplainable. If you don't know how to do the job - find another job, period. I don't care how much money you spent on whatever - it's your own damned fault. Or even worse then this - is the incomptant employee, who thinks that he's top shit.
Unions: Don't get me started, needless to say - all unions do in this age is exploit their empoyers, and raise prices for consumers. And don't get me started on tenure...
Pilots who are too cool to follow the SOP's, like they've somehow cracked the code of how to really, really" operate the aircraft. Like letting that airspeed needle inch below the barber pole by 3 effing knots will somehow emasculate them beyond all repair. Guys who think it's a Jeopardy game when ATC asks you to ident and race for that button- thanks, I got it man- and in the meantime you've entered a 45 degree banked turn, mind correcting that for me ace? Great. 300-hr wonders who use slang on the radio just so their college classmates who are bombing around in the practice area below can hear just how awesome they are now. Saying to ATC "thanks for the help" when you've just been told to exit at C4 and contact ground. Help? Help in telling me where to turn off? Uh, huh. Taxiing at 40+ kts. Overly cheery radio transmissions. Rampies that don't hustle. Lying about ETA's to bogart another company's approach clearance. "Lights at minimums" when reported weather is 300' BELOW minimums. Ah I feel better now.
I'm a well adjusted fellow, and not many things get to me.... I can't think of anything to post anyways... I suppose I could post an annoyance:
When doing a checkride in YXE on a 172/Cherokee 140 etc, I talk on the radio like I always do.
Initial call up = "S'toon Tower, this is Gulf Alpha Bravo Charlie
Tower="blah blah blah blah"
Me="Alpha Bravo Charlie copies blah blah blah"
Soon becomes ="Bravo Charlie blah blah"
At which point the instructor usually says "You have to call them 'S'toon Tower' everytime you talk to them, and you should use all four call letters"
Yeah, because the tower doesn't know that they're in Saskatoon, and I have to continually remind them of this fact, and there are soooooo many other Bravo Charlies flying around in the same space they might get me confused.
Then there's the damned X-ponder thing.... I did all my training in my own 172 in YXE and the x-ponder is FUBAR'd pretty good, intermittent with no Mode C. So when I called YXE ground in the morning I'd just say, "transponder inttermittent with no Mode C" They'd be like "Yeah no problem"
Every time I had an instructor in there they'd be like "you should get that fixed, the tower will get mad at you" OH NO, THE TOWER IS MAD AT ME BOO FUCKING HOO.
Yes, my uber-stealth 172 will totally evade their primary radar even though I am flying VFR and onus is on me for avoidance, something I take seriously. Get a fucking life already.
Last but not least, this didn't really annoy me but it was funny. Me and my buddy Flippy are out buzzing around in S. Sask one weekend, coming back in to YXE and i'm tired so Capt Flip is at the controls and I'm doing all the radio work/napping. Well of course I didn't have my x-ponder on because there is 0 coverage where I just flew from and we were at FL LOW so wasn't too concered. Of course, tower tells me "You should always have your transponder on to 1200 when flying VFR" Right, that's why I always use it when flying up north, keeps me so safe.
But that's no big deal, I can handle the tower laughing at me now and then. The FUNNY thing is there is a 172 joining the circuit there, and he had been in contact, and tower had to call him EIGHT times before getting a reply.
Now I KNOW that dipshit instructor in the 172 had heard my whole x-ponder mishap and turned down the volume so he could explain to his student why the transponder is so important and how I was an unsafe pilot etc etc "my instructing is god" etc etc. Then he turned the volume back up to hear tower getting very irate with him. Made my whole day better.
Gee, I guess I did have some stuff to rant about.
Anti
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"It's not the size of the hammer, it's how you nail" - Kanga
Guys who think it's a Jeopardy game when ATC asks you to ident and race for that button- thanks, I got it man- and in the meantime you've entered a 45 degree banked turn, mind correcting that for me ace? Great.
thats some funny shit
I hate when passengers put chicken bones in the seat-pockets but wrap them in an orange peel as if that makes it fun now to clean up.
OH MY 
