Age old pilot-isms...

180 · Post by **180** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 11:08 am

I'm sure everyone has a few or has heard a couple. Here's a couple to start...

Two things you can never replace:

1. Runway left behind you.

2. Fuel you didn't put in your tank.

We're born into this world with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of knowledge...hopefully you can fill up your bag of knowledge before your bag of luck runs out.

bandaid · Post by **bandaid** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 12:08 pm

We've never left one up there yet.

oldtimer · Post by **oldtimer** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 1:15 pm

The strength of the headwinds or the severity of the turbulence is directly porportional to the pilots need to pee.

KAG · Post by **KAG** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 3:26 pm

Work to live, not live to work.
It's all about the journey, not the destination.

pitot · Post by **pitot** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 3:27 pm

O.kkkk, There are 2 things you need to remember. This is lever A. The rest just lever B!!!

Four1oh · Post by **Four1oh** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 3:39 pm

the only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

V1VRV2 · Post by **V1VRV2** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 3:44 pm

Been around so long!! back when flying was dangerous, and sex was safe.

V1VRV2 · Post by **V1VRV2** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 3:47 pm

Been around so long!! back when flying was dangerous, and sex was safe.

heavymetal · Post by **heavymetal** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 4:01 pm

When the mocassins start looking like high heels, its time to go south.

W5 · Post by W5 » Sun Aug 12, 2007 4:11 pm

http://www.aviation-humour.5u.com/custom4.html

Pilot's Prayer:

When my flying days are over

And from this life I pass.....

I hope they bury me upside down

So the FAA (or TC) can kiss my ASS

ski_bum · Post by **ski_bum** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 4:38 pm

heavymetal wrote:When the mocassins start looking like high heels, its time to go south.

Siddley Hawker · Post by **Siddley Hawker** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 5:00 pm

Never pass up an opportunity to take a pee.

invertedattitude · Post by **invertedattitude** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 5:07 pm

Instructor to Student on approach:

"...most importantly don't forget to keep her shiny side up"

oldtimer · Post by **oldtimer** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 6:19 pm

Shiny side or blue side up, dirty side or oiley side down and pointey end first .
Never pass up a chance to pee
never trust a fart
never ignore a stiffey.

flyinphil · Post by **flyinphil** » Sun Aug 12, 2007 6:34 pm

From the good old days with stewardesses...

She offered her honor,
I honored her offer,
All night long it was on her and off her..

Brantford Beech Boy · Post by **Brantford Beech Boy** » Mon Aug 13, 2007 8:27 pm

"Please don't tell my Mom I'm in aviation. She still thinks I play piano at a whorehouse"

"If it floats, flys or f@#s, RENT IT"

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, and even then it is better to go out with a BANG than a whimper"

BBB

MUSKEG · Post by **MUSKEG** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 12:02 pm

The interpretation and compliance to Car's is directly proportional to the amount of money to be made on that trip.

QFE · Post by **QFE** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 1:52 pm

3 useless things for a pilot:

Runway behind you.
Fuel still in the tanker.
F/A with a chipped tooth.

comanchepilot · Post by **comanchepilot** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 4:14 pm

When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the airplane, we can take off.

When in doubt, the answer is either "Pilot's fault/responsibility" or "C" (TC Exams)

I'm a pilot, I'm a pilot
I'm a pilot, I'm a prick.
Don't you wish you were a pilot?
But you're not, so suck my dick!

If the engine fails, don't cheat on it, ride the bastard down!

Fly the aircraft as far into the crash as possible!

The three cornerstones of flying: "Sound hot on the radio, look hot on the taxi, and death is a small price to pay for looking shit hot."

It only takes two things to fly: Airspeed and money.

To invent an airplane is nothing, to build one is something, but to fly one is everything.

The engine is the heart of an airplane, but the pilot is its soul.

Siddley Hawker · Post by **Siddley Hawker** » Tue Aug 14, 2007 7:30 pm

Standard checklist practice requires pilots to read to each other procedures used every trip and recite from memory those needed every five years.

A TC investigation is conducted by non-flying types who take six months to itemize the mistakes done by a crew that had six seconds to do something.

Everything is accomplished through teamwork until something goes wrong...then one pilot gets the blame.

W5 · Post by W5 » Wed Aug 15, 2007 11:09 am

It is easier to get forgiveness, than to get permission.

Proper Planning Prevents PissPoor Perfomance

WestCoast · Post by **WestCoast** » Wed Aug 15, 2007 2:07 pm

Always remember the 7 P's of Aviation

Piss Poor Planning Produces Piss Poor Performance

kingeddie · Post by **kingeddie** » Fri Aug 17, 2007 8:46 am

landed so hard it knocked the wrinkles out of my scrotum

kingeddie · Post by **kingeddie** » Fri Aug 17, 2007 8:48 am

never ask a man if he is a helicopter pilot cause if he was he would have told you by now and if he isn't you'll hurt his feelings

Dash-Ate · Post by **Dash-Ate** » Sat Aug 18, 2007 6:44 pm

Eight hours from bottle to throttle

(although 12-14 hrs is better)