Family Issues: What is the effect on your aviation career?

[There's Always Hope]

Wives/Husbands/Family members....we need your input

It seems to me that in large part we as an aviation group are missing a key component in many of the issues discussed/debated here and in other forums.
We have pilots, engineers etc. contributing,but what about our spouses/family members?If we are married,or single,our friends and family suffers along side of us, enjoys some of the benefits of our career,and goes through the many challenges an aviation career presents.
I think their input would be very informative and could possibly lead to some innovative and informative ways of looking at our careers and roles in Aviation.
We can only benefit by inviting and welcomng their personal input as it will shed light on important issues not generally discussed but which are very important none the less.More openness on how aviation impacts us in our personal relationships,if done responsibly and respectfully just may help some one out there in their aviaiton career and relationships.

Aviation can be a wonderful career...but it can also be very difficult and destructive on the personal side...

We need your input.

[blacknwhiteice]

I think you were asking for family memebers to post here, I'm a pilot with a family so I'll just share my experience so far.
I work 8-5 Monday to Friday which is great because my wife pretty much has the same hours. At the moment things work well but we have talked about the day that we will move for my job, or move for hers and even if it works out that it will bring home more money in the end you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? If I wasn't married I'm sure my career would already have looked different and this is only my first job, but if you love what you do, get a decent cheque each month and get to spend time with the family too then maybe I lucked out and should stay at this job forever.

[Just another canuck]

So you're saying it's more difficult to have a career in aviation if you also have a serious relationship and/or family.

I'll repeat what I've already said in the Employment Forum. Don't get married, don't have kids and stay mobile... at least until you get where you want to be.

I can't really say how difficult it can be because I have no strings attached... and I plan on keeping it that way for awhile yet.

[Colibri]

I'll repeat what I've already said in the Employment Forum. Don't get married, don't have kids and stay mobile... at least until you get where you want to be.

Bingo!

[foxmoth]

very tough on family, so I have seen.
Best if wife has bigger job and tells the pilot to stay where he is. Or, she is nurse/doctor/teacher and mobile jobability and very very understanding. Very understanding. very understanding.
But what about female pilots? They have to make the choice children or career.
Dispatch doesnt want to here your kid has a snotty nose that morning so you cant fly.

[gasper]

I'm a married corporate/charter pilot with a young family. I work several trips to various countries each month.

This is a very good job for a family guy with quite a lot of time spent at home! I also get to help with the housework & cooking. Bonus!!!!

[jetdoc]

AIDS is rampant.

Aviation
Induced
Divorce
Syndrome

[PT6-114A]

it is easy if you have the best wife a pilot can ask for.

[Just another canuck]

it is easy if you have the best wife a pilot can ask for.

Just joking... I'm sure she's wonderful.

[fleet16b]

Wow where to begin with this one.
I work full time in the Canadian Aerospace Industry, fly Airshows in the summer months, buy sell collect vintage aviation parts artifacts etc every spare hour, so I guess aviation is all consuming in our family.
One of the things my mother taught me at an early age was " to begin the way you mean to end".
With that said, when it came time for my wife and I to decide to live together, I had a little sit down with her.
Basically I told her that aviation had been in my life always and alot longer than her. If she was looking for a stay at home guy then I was not the one. If the house needs painting , lawn cutting etc and it's flying weather, don't expect me to be around. If her or my son are sick or need me or we have a family get together , then I will be there always.
I went so far as to tell her in my wedding speach that I love her as much as my airplane.
With that said, she appreciated my honesty and we have had no problems except one. I always looked at my flying as an escape from everyday life. Then I took her flying a few times. Now she bugs me to fly all the time. LOL
We do enjoy sharing evening flights together. She usually works till 6-7 pm ., so when she is done , I get her to meet me at the local airstrip and we go for a flight and both wind down abit.
Aviation is not alway easy on the family life but with a bit of honesty and understanding most of the issues can be avoided.
I guess you just need to find common ground. Chances are if you support her interests and hobbies , then she will support yours.
I will admit over the years many an old pilot has told me the same thing over and over " stay single, don't get married". Most of them broke their own rule in the end.

Good luck

[There's Always Hope]

So far so good...
Guys and Gals....let your wife/husband/family member have control of that keyboard,mouse for awhile. Give them the opportunity to express how the aviation career is affecting you and your family.Good and Bad...Hopefully this leads to a good discussion where we might be able to bring some issues to light and perhaps deal with them or at least start to....

In the military community ( and others ) for example, often there is a VERY close knit community where there is lots of support and common ground and understanding.I find in my field of aviation where I live, I and my family are quite isolated, in that there are few if any people who can relate to and understand the pressures on a pilot's family,social life etc.We are part of a worldwide community but not often in touch with others who can share the joys and struggles etc. associated with aviation.

What do you think, Moms,Wives, Husbands,Children ?........Maybe your experience,thoughts or solutions will " work " for some-one else's situation.

[Invertago]

I think you were asking for family memebers to post here, I'm a pilot with a family so I'll just share my experience so far.
I work 8-5 Monday to Friday which is great because my wife pretty much has the same hours. At the moment things work well but we have talked about the day that we will move for my job, or move for hers and even if it works out that it will bring home more money in the end you have to ask yourself, is it worth it? If I wasn't married I'm sure my career would already have looked different and this is only my first job, but if you love what you do, get a decent cheque each month and get to spend time with the family too then maybe I lucked out and should stay at this job forever.

And what do you do as a pilot that gives you that schedule?

[armchair]

And what do you do as a pilot that gives you that schedule?

Not sure what he does, but the options for pilot work Monday to Friday 8 to 5 are few, far and between, and well documented:

- TC inspector
- TSB investigator (on call though , and some involved with Swissair spent months away from home)
- military pilots on ground tour, and actually some while assigned on squadron when not deployed;
- "safety" guys and "training" guys for 704 and 705 ops can manoeuvre into 8 to 5 but sacrifice flying and accept to write SOPs and such other stuff.
- Very Senior pilots who can pick and choose their schedule on the account of their 20+ years with a company - very few of those.

So the bottom line, if you want to be a M to F 8 to 5 pilot, you better accept to fly a Mahogany Bomber. The upside is the family life, the kids, the hockey dad routine, and all the soccer games you can stand to watch.

[SkyWolfe]

As a pilot, wife, mom, married to another pilot - life can simply be hell, deal with it if you love each other enough - you both chose that stupid amazing career, and you chose to fall in love. Life goes on.

There are web cams, phones, and airplanes to visit with. Communicate what you want and where you want to be. You can work your goals out together and compromise.

Cheers,

Wolfie

[Tim]

having no plan was always my plan. take what comes, roll with the punches, blahblahblah. meeting the right girl is all part of that for me.

my plan has changed over the years, i must admit. but thats part of the plan i suppose. flying isn't the be-all end-all for me...although its close. i suppose I am. it all comes down to what makes me happy. between my girl and planes, i know which i would give up if i had to.

[tcraft]

[meflypretty]

Is it the industry that causes divorce? Or is it the type of people the industry draws?
I love my job, and for now it works well with my family life. When I am home I am able to spend all the time with my family, the time when all my friends are working 9 to 5 (more like 7 to 7 these days). But it is a tough trade for the long times and distance away.

[KenoraPilot]

My aviation career has lost me 2 serious relationships. I am finally now engaged to a girl however, this job I am doing now is still very difficult. I thank god she is a patient woman, however, I know I can't do this job forever since its rotational work out of the country. But aviation and relationships don't work very well when you are just starting out....or so my experiences have taught me. I am doing this job until the day she has had enough, then I will relocate again and find work closer to home. I definatly will be waiting on kids until I am fully established in a good job back in Canada. This job and family is not the easiest road to walk.

[Just another canuck]

between my girl and planes, i know which i would give up if i had to.

You must be afraid your girl will read this site... you'd give her up, right??

No plan is my plan as well and I've lost one serious relationship. No sense in having another until the time is right... at retirement.

[Cat Driver]

If only flying paid more money it would give guys the option of hookers and that would take care of the relationship factor.

[yfly]

One career in the family, my wife sacrificed her career to raise the kids. One parent at home is a must in my opinion. Married a girl I met in my first flying job. 28 years and 3 grown kids later, there have been lows and highs but neither of us would have changed a thing. Communication and picking the right person with similar objectives is the key.

Sacrafices, yes, many, but we both knew that would be the case in aviation. I married the daughter of a pilot.

[Just another canuck]

If only flying paid more money it would give guys the option of hookers and that would take care of the relationship factor.

Hookers are cheaper than maintaining a relationship.

I married the daughter of a pilot.

Do you and your father-in-law get to go into work together?

[Changes in Latitudes]

I like my career, its interesting, involves interesting people, takes me new and unusual places, pays the bills quite nicely. I love my lady. She let me put the career first for many years so that once things fell into place, I could put us first. Things have fallen into place.

[El Comat]

I'll repeat what I've already said in the Employment Forum. Don't get married, don't have kids and stay mobile... at least until you get where you want to be.

My wife and I got married when I was making $24,000 and she was in university, so we were, by no means, even close to "where we wanted to be", as you put it. Some people, like my wife and I, put more emphasis on who we're with (each other,and family) than where we are career-wise. We knew we wanted to get married, so we did, and we're better off for it. We've survived 2 moves, 3 employers (me) and 3 university degrees (her), and it's been an extremely interesting ride. We still live paycheck to paycheck, as we have a mountain of student debt and my wife is just entering the working world (graduated last week, let's hope she doesn't need a 4th degree!). However, we now live back in our hometown of Sudbury where 90% of both our families are, which is very nice. I took a huge (~$25k-30k initially) pay cut to get us back to YSB, but it was worth it. The money will come back, just not as quickly as it did at my last job.

Bottom line for me is don't let your career run your life...it's a JOB!!! My wife has had to remind me of that several times, as pilots tend to obsess about their careers. Having her here to bring me back to earth and remind me that life isn't just about me being a pilot has been great. I first and foremost have to be a good husband, uncle, brother and father (maybe in a year or two). If you want to get married, get married! If you want to have kids, have kids! A friend of mine is married with three kids and is supporting his family on 2nd year WJ pay, so if they can do it, you probably can too!

EC

PS - My wife deserves a lot of credit, as it takes a special woman to marry a pilot and put up with us!

[yfly]

If only flying paid more money it would give guys the option of hookers and that would take care of the relationship factor.

Hookers are cheaper than maintaining a relationship.

I married the daughter of a pilot.

Do you and your father-in-law get to go into work together?

No. He passed away 22 years ago. He had lost his medical before I met him so we never did fly together.

Good post and advice El Comat. If I had waited for my career to blossom before having kids, they would have had an aged father.