Post the best quotes you've ever read...

[AEROBAT]

"OK...I pulled the pin out. I just throw it now... right?"

I actually saw a recruit say that when we were doing live grenade practice at Camp Wainwright. He still had his hand on the spoon but the instructor freaked!

[AEROBAT]

I mentioned to my wife that there was supposed to be a meteor shower that night and it will be most intense at 11 P.M. She replied " It's too bad it will be so late....by then it will be dark out and we won't see them."

Yeah, she's blond.

[AEROBAT]

"Hey! What's that bright light outside?"

Mayor of Hiroshima 1945.

[JakeYYZ]

“France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.”

Mark Twain


“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.”


General George S. Patton


“Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.”

Norman Schwartzkopf

[taylor498]

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain


"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
-Oprah

"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets"
-Voltaire

[Spokes]

“Well, science doesn’t know everything.” Well, science knows it doesn’t know anything, otherwise it would stop … But just because science doesn’t know everything doesn’t mean you can fill in the gaps with whatever fairytale most appeals to you.”

…”nutritionist” isn’t a protected term. Anyone can call themselves a nutritionist. “Dietitician” is the legally protected term. “Dietician” is like dentist, and “nutritionist” is like tootheologist.”

Dara O'Briain - Comedian

[iflyforpie]

"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -Kristian Wilson, CEO, Nintendo, 1989

[Dr. Mcillicuddy]

You can educate a fool, But they are still a fool! Unknown. D.M

[Driving Rain]

"All the knowledge in the world is of no use too fools" From The Long Road Out of Eden.
Don Henley and the Eagles

[C-206]

In the dark ages people are best guided by religion, as in a pitch-black night a blind man is the best guide; he knows the roads and paths better than a man who can see. When daylight comes, however, it is foolish to use blind old men as guides. -Heinrich Heine

[...]

WOW...there are some great quotes to which I was not privee to...

In the dark ages people are best guided by religion, as in a pitch-black night a blind man is the best guide; he knows the roads and paths better than a man who can see. When daylight comes, however, it is foolish to use blind old men as guides. -Heinrich Heine

Thanks for sharing this one C-206...I googled Heinrich Hein and I got this from Wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Heinrich_Heine

It seems that he too challenged people to critical thinking and a higher level of "questioning the answers" regarding religion. A pre-pioneer in the idea of Atheism. Wikipedia went on to say this about him;

"German authorities banned his works and those of others who were considered to be associated with the 'Young Germany' movement in 1835"

Allegedly on his death bed the last words to cross his lips were;

"God will forgive me. It's his job."

Interesting

[C-206]

In the dark ages people are best guided by religion, as in a pitch-black night a blind man is the best guide; he knows the roads and paths better than a man who can see. When daylight comes, however, it is foolish to use blind old men as guides. -Heinrich Heine

Interesting indeed, it is the best quote I have seen for that particular argument. It begins one of the chapters of Christopher Hitchens's book "god is not Great".
(not intended to hijack the thread, just FYI) Keep the quotes coming.

[meflypretty]

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.


Ma'am, would you have sex with me for a million pounds?
Certainly
Would you do it for one pound?
SIr, I think you are confusing me with a prostitute.
Ma'am, we have already established that you are. Now we are just haggling.

Oscar Wilde

[atwork]

There is only two things in life that make it worth living it's guitars tuned good and firm feeling women.

Waylon Jennings

[Siddley Hawker]

Dear children, one day you will learn everything about Santa Claus. On that day, remember everything the adults have told you about Jesus.

Santa Claus.

[Dr. Mcillicuddy]

Shit does not run up hill. D.M. 09

[wingandaprayer]

Some of my favourites.
“There exist only three beings worthy of respect: the priest, the soldier, the poet. To know, to kill, to create." ~Charles Baudelaire

All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire. – Aristotle

“I’ve learned people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye." ~Miss Piggy

There are three kinds of men: The ones who learn by reading, the few who learn by observation and the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence. ~Will Rogers

[bmc]

I miss this rocket surgeon:

Top 10 Bushism's.

10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

"I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

7) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

6) "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

5) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

4) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

3) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

[...]

"when one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity. When many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion." - Robert Pirsig in Lila.

[canwhitewolf]

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down."
- Woody Allen,

[Siddley Hawker]

Animal rights people are more violently opposed to fur than leather because while rich women are easy to intimidate, it takes real balls to harass a motorcycle gang.

[...]

I'm going to quote, my quotes...

It's interesting when pro-life people say "I'm against abortion except like in cases of rape"
...that's like saying "yes a fetus is a human being ... unless his dad is an asshole."

- I am Birddog

Religions breed wars and hatred. You NEVER see on the news headlines from rationalists like myself..."Today heavy casualties when the agnostics took heavy shelling from the atheists in northern occupied territories..."

- I am Birddog

[...]

I'm going to quote, my quotes...

It's interesting when pro-life people say "I'm against abortion except like in cases of rape"
...that's like saying "yes a fetus is a human being ... unless his dad is an asshole."

- I am Birddog

Religions breed wars and hatred. You NEVER see on the news headlines from rationalists like myself..."Today heavy casualties when the agnostics took heavy shelling from the atheists in northern occupied territories..."

- I am Birddog

Here's another one I JUST made up...

A man walking on the moon in 1969 holds as much fairytale as Jesus walking on water in the year 30.

- I am Birddog

[Sulako]

"It's about freedom, baby. Open the cage, let the tigers out. Someone's gotta do the naughty work. It's not so much about destroying the establishment. It's to prevent it destroying you."

- Keith Richards

[niss]

OWWWWWWWW......@#$! ME THAT HURTS!!!! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW....

-Jesus H Christ