blonde joke

md · Post by md » Mon Mar 29, 2004 1:19 pm

THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES..

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.
I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it
started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in
and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He
studies
the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice
cup of tea, and then....."

he sighed, "...let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box".

loopy · Post by **loopy** » Tue Mar 30, 2004 11:32 am

Hmmm. Why am I so hungry right now? fart

SplitS · Post by **SplitS** » Wed Mar 31, 2004 7:59 am

a skeleton walks into a bar and tells the bartender:

"Give me a beer - and a mop"

HA!

Mach1 · Post by **Mach1** » Thu Apr 01, 2004 3:37 pm

A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

5x5 · Post by **5x5** » Wed Apr 07, 2004 5:26 pm

A termite walks into the bar and says "Where's the bar tender?"

lazionic · Post by **lazionic** » Wed Apr 28, 2004 6:42 pm

Two peanuts walk into a bar.... one was a salted.

hz2p · Post by **hz2p** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 6:35 am

A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Mach1 · Post by **Mach1** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 8:08 am

The same horse walks into the same bar the next day with jumper cables hanging out of his mouth. The bar tender says, “Hey buddy, I don’t mind the long face, but don’t start anything.”

5x5 · Post by **5x5** » Fri Apr 30, 2004 9:51 am

A baby seal walks into a bar and sits down. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender.

"Anything but a Canadian Club" replies the seal.

Yoyoma · Post by **Yoyoma** » Sun May 02, 2004 9:18 am

Focus people...Bonlde jokes here!!!

Yoyoma · Post by **Yoyoma** » Sun May 02, 2004 9:22 am

Also worth showing from the same website!!

5x5 · Post by **5x5** » Sun May 02, 2004 9:56 pm

This duck walks into a bar and the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are down..."

oldtimer · Post by **oldtimer** » Mon May 03, 2004 10:42 pm

Young kid is at the airport with his dad.
"Dad, Is that a mail plane"
"No, son those are just the wheels hanging down."

Flyin' Hack · Post by **Flyin' Hack** » Sat May 08, 2004 2:55 pm

A guy walks into a bar.... OUCH!!

Ba-dum-ching!

I'm a love albatross · Mon May 10, 2004 9:24 pm

What dose american beer and two Canadians in a canoe have in common?

there both fu*king close to water

i know it's an oldie but a goodie

5x5 · Post by **5x5** » Mon May 10, 2004 9:35 pm

A black, a Rabbi, a Pollock, a blonde, a Russian, a priest, and a nun walk into the bar.

The bartender says "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

lazionic · Post by **lazionic** » Thu May 13, 2004 5:23 pm

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch, he said. How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" The man responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money. "You're finished already?" the husband asked. Yes," the blonde replied; "and I had paint left over, so I gave it
two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

lazionic · Post by **lazionic** » Fri Jun 11, 2004 6:01 pm

Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?

"The runway was only 25ft long, but a mile wide"

roundenginesmakemyday · Sat Jun 12, 2004 5:01 am

5x5 wrote:A black, a Rabbi, a Pollock, a blonde, a Russian, a priest, and a nun walk into the bar.

The bartender says "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

5x5 · Post by **5x5** » Sat Jun 12, 2004 5:49 pm

A man stomps into a bar, obviously angry. He growls at the bartender, "Gimme a beer", takes a slug, and shouts out, "All lawyers are assholes!"

A guy at the other end of the bar retorts, "You take that back!"

The angry man snarls, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

The guy replies, "No, I'm an asshole!"

5x5 · Post by **5x5** » Thu Jun 17, 2004 5:44 am

This time, an actual blonde joke.

A business man enters an office tower elevator.

A blond was already inside.

She smiled at him and chirped, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled back and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

He again smiled and again answered "S-H-I-T."

The blond decided he needed help. "T-G-I-F. It means Thank Goodness it's Friday. Get it?"

The man answered, "S-H-I-T - Sorry, Honey, it's Thursday."

lazionic · Post by **lazionic** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 7:04 am

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant.

"Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant," the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.

"But I always buy it here," the blonde says. "I bought one last month."

Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I don't know what you bought before, maybe you can bring in the empty container next time."

"Sure," the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow."

The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty stick of deodorant. "This is just normal deodorant," the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms."

"No, it is not," the blonde answers, "It says so here: To apply, push up bottom."

Evan · Post by **Evan** » Wed Mar 23, 2005 2:56 pm

Ok, this one is great:

So a blonde is driving down a road one day, and all of a sudden, she sees a tree in the middle of the road.

So she swerves out of the way, and wonders where that tree came from.

A couple clicks futher, she sees another tree, so obviously she gets out of the way again.

For some unknown reason to this blonde, this wierd event keeps reacurring.

Then a cop sees her swerve all over the place, and pulls the poor girl over.

He walks up to her car, and leans in the window.

"Hey miss, why are you swerving so much on the roads? the cop asks.

She replies, well I keep seeing trees just appear in the middle of the road.

Just then, the cop reaches inside her car, and pulls off the air freshener from the rear veiw mirror.

PA31 Driver · Post by **PA31 Driver** » Thu Mar 24, 2005 9:37 pm

I'm enjoying this ones.....

5x5 · Post by **5x5** » Tue Mar 29, 2005 12:10 am

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very
attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars
on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much
luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the
dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!"

Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She
jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers.

She then picked up all the money and clothes and
quickly departed.

The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know, I thought YOU were
watching!"

Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men