Dilemma.......

[justwanttofly]

Hi All,

I'm currently on the way to finishing my CPL, with hopes of completing my instructor rating shortly after. My career goal is to fly medevac/air taxi.

Any advice is greatly appreciated

Regards,

Justwanttofly

[Go Juice]

My 2nd father would say it's time to DTB!!!

All kidding aside, Having a GF can be hard in this industry, chances are you will get AIDS. Best of luck!!

Some ppl have done it before you so it's doable... It didn't work for me tho.


Good luck with your career and family issues!!

[warbirdpilot7]

You are not alone, that is for sure. Getting a CPL Multi/IFR and Class 4 is alot of work, as you mentioned. I was in a situation, but there was no child involved. I also spent alot of time single while I was working on the PPL and onward.

As you will see in previous posts about the subject of a spouse and aviation, it works out for some people and it does not work for others. Some would say that I made a "middle of the road" statement, but there is no way to break it down any further. Sometimes the choice between a relationship and a career has to be made. Remember, your first job may require a move, which you will have to make clear to the girl when that time comes.

I know you have and are working hard for the "dream' that many of us chase, but we can not make the call for you.

As for me, I worked for a 705(on the ground) in my hometown, got the Class 4, and some volunteer flying. Time for me to move on and up.

[RatherBeFlying]

You have to set your own goals and priorities. There is only so much of you and you will have to sit down and make a time budget aka. schedule. With small children around, it's hard enough just with a 9-5 day job and commute, let alone a study load.

The little one knows who her daddy is. Having had a stepfather inflicted upon me, I would advise an extremely light touch. While adults commonly change partners, children do not take well to having parents changed on them. The GF's feelings towards her ex may be quite low, but as far as the kid is concerned, her daddy can do no wrong. The more absent he is, the more she will idealise him and the more you will suffer by comparison.

Yes, it's lovely to have a GF, but if you were my kid I'd be telling you that:

1. the odds of remaining together with her for the next 20 years are well below 50% in the general population and worse for pilots.

2. if you break up after a few years, or even several months, of cohabitation, you will be responsible for support of the daughter and will be seeing several hundred, maybe even a couple thousand taken off every paycheck by the Family Responsibility Office.

If you don't believe me, talk to any family lawyer -- actually, even if you do believe every word I said, schedule an appointment with a family lawyer -- it might be the smartest $300 you ever spent.

Or buy the dad a few beers and get the other side of the story.

All that said, the GF might very well be the perfect lady for you -- if so, she will support you in getting your career established starting with giving you the time you need to do your studies and follow your dream.

[ogc]

Thats a tough one to juggle, and one of the issues is that you need to be portable.

Depending on where you are located making a jump to a right seat job from instructing can be next to impossible. If you are located in Coastal BC or southern Ontario, unfortunately you may have to move to get in with a company.

Have you had the moving discussion with your girlfriend?

Does she clearly understand what you need to do to be successful?

I was in a similar situation with a long time girlfriend, before I started I sat down with her and discussed everything that would be required for me to pursue this career.

So far we have moved twice and it will not be the last time.

Luckily her industry allows her to find work almost anywhere in Canada.

In any event, I think you need to have serious conversation about what both of your goals, wants and needs are. You need to figure out where you see yourself in the future and you need to know where she sees herself.

Unless you guys are not both on board, it will be a very very tough road.

[justwanttofly]

Thanks for the replies so far. It's not so much the not being portable part of the relationship that's hard. We have had many of the conversations that go along with dating a pilot, and she has agreed to move anywhere I need to. She followed me already to another city so I could pursue my training. The hard part so far has been the added distraction/stress of living together/having a kid around, and everything that goes with it. Time management will probably help, and it is my new years resolution to be more organized.

Thanks for all your help. It's valued and much appreciated.

justwanttofly

[Go Juice]

Avoid paying for "Vaginamony" at all cost. You will be broke enough as a new pilot!!!

Seriously!

[BigQ]

Justwanttofly,

I had a rather similar situation. And some of my captains have had them as well. Try these few things:

1. Sounds like you guys have something good going on - apart from the baby's dad. A companion, especially if you have to move somewhere else, and especially if that companion is ready to move, is a fantastic thing to have in a new city. It makes life so much easier. Remember to leave yourself some time for couple building.

2. A kid needs attention, but when it comes to improving your skills, wait until your gf is home as well, find a quiet spot in your house/apartment, no distractions, and study. No tv, electronics, just you and your study guides.

3. When you're done 30 minutes/1 hour of studying, go back to your gf and kid, relax, let all the info sink in.

Regular 30 minutes of quiet studying every day/2 days is a lot better than cramming overnight with a tired trying-to-sleep partner and a crying baby.

A lot of pilots on here are disillusioned by relationships, don't let it put you down. I know a lot of happily married families where 1 or more of the parents are pilots.

Good luck.

BigQ

[howard40]

If it is any consolation i doubt my own kids listen to me, any better than the child in your relationship listens to you..... I would second the very light touch on the "step" child. Mom needs to know, and make up for, the parts of discipline you cannot or should not do, and the pair of you need to come to a common understanding of acceptable behaviours. That should make it better, and when you are alone with the little one, it can be "wait till your mother gets home!" LOL
work hard, play hard, study hard.

[Bede]

Whatever you do, don't move in together- you will regret it later. (See post about the alimony part).

I got engaged to my wife and got a job in the NWT. I didn't want to go because I wouldn't see my fiance much. My finance (now wife) convinced me to go. Would your girlfriend do the same? We're still together 2 kids and 10 years later.

Flying careers are tough on relationships. You spend your first 10 years single and end up in places with no women. Then you get married, and get an airline job and you're surrounded by women.

[Phlyer]

You can make it as a pilot with the 'right' woman.
If she is not willing to drop everything at a moments notice for your new job three provinces over, then she is not the right one.
Sorry - but that is the truth. Better to find out now then after a marriage.
Best of luck - I know this is a difficult situation but I have met many people who after I tell them what I do start their story of how they dreamed of being a pilot but never did because they hooked up with the wrong girl, etc. You need to make the decision that you will be happy with when you are old and grey.
Cheers, FF

[RatherBeFlying]

JW2F, Since you mentioned that the GF has already moved once , I do have to discuss the situation from the kid's perspective -- especially because my own mother and stepfather moved me far away from my own father and then arranged it that I never saw or heard from my father again until I was in university.

Losing my father at a young age blighted my life.

It also ruined my relationship with my mother because I grew up not believing a word she said.

The kid needs BOTH parents.

If the two parents have to live in separate towns for career/job reasons, then the kid needs to spend alternate school years with each parent. If one parent is unable to house the kid, then the kid stays with the other grandparents.

If the kid does not have an opportunity to grow up with her father, the serious vitriolic payback will begin in her teens and may not abate until both you and your GF are gone.

[Meecka]

You can make it as a pilot with the 'right' woman.
If she is not willing to drop everything at a moments notice for your new job three provinces over, then she is not the right one.Best of luck - I know this is a difficult situation but I have met many people who after I tell them what I do start their story of how they dreamed of being a pilot but never did because they hooked up with the wrong girl,

Glad to see we are still stuck in the stone age. But of course YOUR career is faaaaaarrr more important than ours could ever be.

Wow... well done boys....

[iflyforpie]

You can make it as a pilot with the 'right' woman.
If she is not willing to drop everything at a moments notice for your new job three provinces over, then she is not the right one.Best of luck - I know this is a difficult situation but I have met many people who after I tell them what I do start their story of how they dreamed of being a pilot but never did because they hooked up with the wrong girl,

Glad to see we are still stuck in the stone age. But of course YOUR career is faaaaaarrr more important than ours could ever be.

Wow... well done boys....

Yeah, even though I'm a guy, I'm with Meecka on this one.

I got my flying career, but it sure wasn't going to be throwing bags in Hay River for minimum wage if I didn't want a divorce. Honestly, it helped me be more picky about location and pay.

Now my wife has a career too that means she has to stay in the BC Interior to keep seniority, benefits, and pension. So to support her career, my aviation career is going to be in the BC Interior.

[KAG]

Meecka, I think you can interject him or her. Regardless of sex, this career is tough to break into an usually involves stints in places most partners would have a problem moving to.

[Hedley]

Data point: in AvCanada chat last night, two well-known posters here (whom I will not name) are in the process of getting a divorce.

Anyone know what the divorce rate for pilots is? I would be very surprised if it is less than 80 or 90 percent.

[Meecka]

Meecka, I think you can interject him or her. Regardless of sex, this career is tough to break into an usually involves stints in places most partners would have a problem moving to.

This may be so, however... I would never expect the signifigant other in my life to drop everything at a moment's notice because MY career was so much more important than theirs. What makes an aviation career the "end all, be all" of jobs? Relationships, as with everthing in life, are all about compromise, give and take, sacrifices on BOTH SIDES not just theirs.

[Hedley]

I only have two ex-wives - I know a pilot with SIX ex-wives - so clearly I'm not that much of an expert when it comes to relationships, but this is what I have learned:

1) the first year of a marriage is far more enjoyable than the last, and

2) the first time (marriage, divorce) is special. Youngsters take them both so seriously! But with practice, like anything else, you get better at it, and you develop perspective, and a sense of humour. It really isn't the end of the world, for example, when you come home from a trip and your wife has cleaned out the house, including your piano, though if it's your first time you probably will think so, and take it entirely too seriously.

[Go Juice]

Women are dream killers!!!!

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE them. I think every man should own one!!!!

[Hedley]

A friend of mine - really nice guy, he's dead now, so I can tell this story - came home from a business trip and found all of his possessions on the front lawn. In the rain. Locks had been changed.

He wasn't a misogynist or anything - he liked women a lot. Too many of them, his wife apparently thought.

[shitdisturber]

A friend of mine - really nice guy, he's dead now, so I can tell this story - came home from a business trip and found all of his possessions on the front lawn. In the rain. Locks had been changed.

He wasn't a misogynist or anything - he liked women a lot. Too many of them, his wife apparently thought.

Any water damage to the possessions?

I've always had a knack for getting to the important details.

[KAG]

Meecka, I think you can interject him or her. Regardless of sex, this career is tough to break into an usually involves stints in places most partners would have a problem moving to.

This may be so, however... I would never expect the signifigant other in my life to drop everything at a moment's notice because MY career was so much more important than theirs. What makes an aviation career the "end all, be all" of jobs? Relationships, as with everthing in life, are all about compromise, give and take, sacrifices on BOTH SIDES not just theirs.

That is why you need to find an understanding partner, especially in the first few years of your career. At this point, your career comes first.
Some make a go of it, sadly most don't. I'm just being realistic.

[Phlyer]

You can make it as a pilot with the 'right' woman.
If she is not willing to drop everything at a moments notice for your new job three provinces over, then she is not the right one.Best of luck - I know this is a difficult situation but I have met many people who after I tell them what I do start their story of how they dreamed of being a pilot but never did because they hooked up with the wrong girl,

Glad to see we are still stuck in the stone age. But of course YOUR career is faaaaaarrr more important than ours could ever be.

Wow... well done boys....

Easy killer. I would give the same response if the original poster was female with a boyfriend.
Someone else made an excellent point about what is fair for the kid - that should also weigh heavily in the decision. Taking him/her away from their Dad is not cool.
I guess the bottom line for me is that it takes a special relationship to succeed in this industry - many moves, great financial difficulty, away from friends and family etc.
Male or female one needs a special mate for it to work.
Peace

[Liquid Charlie]

From the been there done that side -- it's all about maturity and how you and your partner handle separation and the the all present work ethic and when starting out having your soul owned by the company. Yes the fact is that almost all airlines try and sneak into our bedrooms - the draft and broken promises when you were supposed to have a "family" day needs a lot of tolerance from all sides. If your relationship is still at the stage where there are numerous phone calls per day if you can't see yourself being away from each other for up to 3 weeks at a time I would say you are destined to have a failed relationship.

We are all different in what we need and expect. The reality of this industry is that when you are starting out and unless you are one of the few lucky ones to find your career in a place you want to be it's a long rocky haul. That's the nature of the beast - we have to chase the iron to find that resting place and how much that drives you will always impact your relationships. If you are one who wants to fly the biggest and have aspirations of the dreamliner you will be tested far more than the guy who is content flying for Bearskins of this business.

Whatever happens - play buy one rule -- stay connected with your kids - the rewards are enormous - learn to cook and do your own laundry and all will be good -- and do a little dusting bachelor life ain't that bad you always know where everything is -- and far more sex too -- lmfaooooo

[Mike B]

If she loves you, she will give you the space you need...If not, a dog is ALWAYS going to be faithful...The kid doesn't respect you, I think you have already made that decision. I would follow your dreams dude. You have worked hard to get to this point, to throw it away....