Johnny#5 wrote:One flight it was my FO's leg and while on the backtrack I diverted his attention and put the control lock back in....you should have seen him try and pull that thing off the ground!!!! Pure hilarity!
1) If you have a FMS, create a waypoint like D*LDO or P*NIS on the filed route and have your F/O or CAPT request a direct to that waypoint. (my personal favorite).
2) Play with his seat or try to blind him with a flashlight while he's making his passenger announcement.
3) Lock the other guys shoulder straps when he's not looking just to annoy him later
Back in high school, I did a co-op placement at YKZ on the ramp. During my first or second week I was told I would be the model for the company's safety newsletter. My task would be showing the effective washing of props using an extremely caustic and health-hazardous solution of what was in fact just soap and water. Due to the caustic nature of the propwash, I was required to wear a full orange rainsuit, respirator, and eye protection. I was photographed in my bright orange getup washing a prop in a safe manner for the company's monthly safety newsletter.
Johnny#5 wrote:One flight it was my FO's leg and while on the backtrack I diverted his attention and put the control lock back in....you should have seen him try and pull that thing off the ground!!!! Pure hilarity!
Johnny5, I'm sure if you actually pulled this prank you were thinking nothing could go wrong, did you think what would happen if the a/c became airborne. Here is a grim reminder of what could happen with control locks in place, even if the locks are on the control, I would suggest you might not be able to disengage the locks with your f/o pulling on them, and then it could be too late. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=by7fzs6paic
Our company made messing with new hire F/As an art form.
When I was a F/O on B-373-200s in Brazil in 1994 I got the Head F/A and the Captain to sign off on this one:
On a short flight from SBLO to SBCT that had about 2 PAX on board, we were cruising at FL250. Just after getting our descent clearance we called the back for a couple of glasses of water. The new hire F/A (who was about 19) brought them up. The were made of real glass at the time and served on a metal tray as per SOPs. (That bit is important to the gag)
As she was coming into the cockpit I started to descend very slowly without changing the Altitude Selector to our new cleared altitude of 10,000. After 300 ft the Altitude Alerter started to blare BAAAA, BAAA, BAAA scandalously loud. (These were old ones that didn’t say “Altitude”. They just made a heck of a noise.)
The Captain and I grabbed our O2 masks and donned them. We started screaming for her to put on the mask in the jump seat. We did not cancel the horn as the sound seemed to add to the “atmosphere of the gag”. She kept holding the tray with the glasses of water and fumbled with her free hand to don her mask. The jump seat masks were always turned off so as not to leak O2, so she was not getting any air at first. We were yelling at her to turn her air on or she was going to die. She kept holding that tray and fiddled with her mask controls.
The Captain selected flight interphone on his mask, turned up the volume on his overhead speaker and starts yelling “Mayday, Mayday, Mayday…We have depressurized…we are starting an emergency descent…” in to his mask.
I pulled the speed break, chopped the power, banked the plane and nosed over.
And - we - headed - downhill.
From the jump seat, all she could see out the windscreen was the ground coming up way too fast and hear us yelling into our masks.
The Captain then cracks open the checklist and starts reading the Emergency Descent checklist just like the real thing. In between items he or I would turn to the F/A and scream “get your air on, get your air on…or you are going to die…or you are going to die…”
(Remember, all this is coming out LOUD over the speakers in the cockpit ceiling along with the BAAA, BAAA of the altitude alerter - which by the way you are supposed to cancel as soon as it goes off)
The girl is crammed into the jumpseat, her eyes bugging out of her head, sucking through that mask…and still holding onto the tray. The two glasses of water were still full! I have to hand it to her, she might be going to die but there was no way she was going to spill that water!
I leveled off at 10,000. We took off our masks and I finally canceled the horn. Right then the Head F/A saunters into the cockpit with a camera, says to the girl, “You still here?” takes her picture and saunters out.
We turned around, took our water glasses, thanked her, asked her to turn her O2 off on the way out and turned back to flying the plane.
She looked a bit dazed and didn’t say anything as she left the cockpit.
The Head F/A then came back into the cockpit and shut the door. To this day I don’t know how I managed to land without first holding somewhere because we were all crying from laughing so hard.
You probably can’t do that stuff anymore.
We took the crew out for dinner and drinks, (lots of drinks) that night. She took it like a trooper, and as it turned out could drink like one too!
Her and I sort of hit it off. Let’s just say the remaining 3 days of the trip were somewhat memorable.
Ah yes. Aviation in the Third World
You gotta love it!
TTJJ, thanks for the reminder of this gem, early morning medevac, sky clear day, sun just came up. On our way to the patient we were up at about FL240 and the flight nurse was sleeping, so the F/O and I received permission from ATC to do simulated emergency descent. So the F/O and I slumped in towards each other, with our heads together, pulled off the power and pushed the nose over, I believe we held in the master warning test for realism. Did this for about 12000 feet making sure we bumped our heads once in awhile, again for dramatic effect. Just about to level off, we both looked back with big grins at our very angry flight nurse. I asked him after why he didn't try to wake us up, he said he couldn't fly the plane so what was the point.
I have to admit, that spooked me abit, so from then on I would show the new flight nurses how to engage the auto pilot and level the plane off. You know in case it really happened.
Johnny#5 wrote:One flight it was my FO's leg and while on the backtrack I diverted his attention and put the control lock back in....you should have seen him try and pull that thing off the ground!!!! Pure hilarity!
What?
I'll +1 that.... WHAT?? WHAT??
@#$!, this forum is getting serious....nobody can take a damn joke anymore....
I actually pullled this one.
We had a Twin Otter that was originaly fitted with OMNR water bombing floats. We were operating it on wheels but there was some sort of test equipment on a panel that was disconnected but the test button still flashed a red light when pressed.
We had a young (and attractive) health care nurse on board who came up to the front to chat with the F/O. When she spotted me fiddling with the test box and the red light flashed, she asked what that was for and I said that was our virgin detector.
She told me we had better get it fixed because it wasn't working.
I was stumped for a answer.
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The average pilot, despite the somewhat swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring.
These feelings just don't involve anyone else.
This prank is a gem. I was not involved, it was related to me by a master story teller who pulled the prank.
They were the crew of a CP Air Britiannia turboprop enroute to somewhere when the Flight Attendant came to the cockpit to enquire about the crew meals. The captain gave his request but the F/O (the story teller) faked a flu like illness and only requested a bowl of soup and an airsick bag. When the F/A left, the F/O poured the soup into the nice clean airsick bag. When the F/A came back to pick up the dinner utensils, the F/O was going to hand her the now full bag but the captain grabbed the bag, opened it, said this looks good and started to eat the contents.
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The average pilot, despite the somewhat swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring.
These feelings just don't involve anyone else.
I worked for an airline in Brazil for 13 years. This story is true. It sounds fake, but you just can’t make this stuff up.
A few years after being promoted on a 737 I had a brand new F/A, Cristina, in my crew who was really cold and wily. We had been on a 5 day trip and I couldn’t get her on anything. She knew all the gags. She was also somewhat of a “rich female canine”.
One of the other F/As was Carlos. He was a neat guy, about 25 and had been with us for 5 years. He would have made a great snake-juice salesman back in the day because he could sweet talk a leopard out of her spots. He avoided books like the plague. He never had any money. He spent every cent of his paycheck on what he called the 4 expensive “B”s of life: Booze, Broads, Betting and Belly-bumping.
I really liked that guy.
Just after Takeoff he came to me and said that Christina was gloating to the others about how she had outsmarted us all, himself included. The poor guy pleaded with me to do something. How could I not answer such a heart felt request?
The last leg was a 2.5 hour sector to our home base. It was about 10:00 PM. On all flights in Brazil at the time the booze was free. There was beer, whisky, Campari, you name it, and it was all free.
There had to be a gag in the free booze somewhere. And then it hit me, a party!
After leveling off, I waited until the cabin crew had finished their inflight service. I needed everyone with a drink in their hands. Cristina was working way in the back galley this flight so I called her to the cockpit. While she was on her way I called Carlos and told him to go to the aisle in the middle of the plane and wait there. He was not to let Cristina past him and to just roll with whatever I said.
She came to the cockpit and I congratulated her on a fine first trip and how she had not fallen for any of our “childish, but innocent, pranks”. She smiled and thanked me. I let her go back to her post with the parting words “that’s right, just keep smiling and everything will be OK”. She looked a little bewildered at this as she left the cockpit.
Even before she had closed the door I started my “welcome aboard” speech over the PA. While I spoke, I left my seat and watched through the peek hole in the cockpit door, as she went down the aisle back to the rear galley. Carlos was already in the center of the plane. “Thank you for flying our airline we are at XXX feet bla bla bla…”
When she almost reaching Carlos I said, “And now Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to draw your attention to our fine F/A in the center of the aircraft, Cristina.” She stopped in her tracks like she had been shot.
“This will probably be Cristina’s last flight due to Brazilian Flight Regulations, because 2 days ago Cristina discovered that she is going to have a baby!”
A huge roar came echoing from the passenger cabin. People were clapping and wishing her well.
I thought, “That’s 1”.
“And another fine member of our crew in the aisle Carlos, IS THE FATHER!”
Another huge roar came from the passengers. People were slapping Carlos on the back and calling for more beer.
That’s 2. And now for the money shot,
“And not only that Ladies and Gentlemen. Carlos is such a standup guy that last night, when he found out about the baby, he immediately proposed to Cristina that they get married…AND SHE ACCEPTED!”
The passengers went nuts. I thought the plane would disintegrate from all the jumping around. Game, Set and Match to the old fat balding guy in the front.
Carlos raised his hands to acknowledge the accolades, put his arm protectively around his ”fiancée’s” waist and thanked the crowd. Cristina looked like a rabbit in the headlights of a semi.
You have to understand Brazilians. They will start a party in the name of paint drying. So when they heard all this, in a plane with free booze yet, they had a huge block party all the way to destination.
My F/O was sitting with his mouth gaping wide open.
Everyone wanted more beer and were toasting the new couple. Someone turned on a CD player and they were dancing with the bride to be. Calls went up for “KISS…KISS”, and Carlos laid one on her.
Carlos came to the cockpit and plunked down in the jump seat. He couldn’t talk he was laughing so hard. He finally managed to spit out that while she was smiling and hugging him in front of everyone she was whispering in his ear, “I am going to get you SOB’s. I am going to get both of you.”
They had a high old time for about 2 hours. I felt kind of bad that I had to be in the front and miss the engagement shower. Sadly we ran out of beer, but no one cared.
When we got to our destination, I met everyone at the door on their way out. They all said that it was the best flight of their lives and that they would tell all their friends to fly with us.
Hey, I helped the Company sell seats!
It turns out there was a reporter for a small newspaper on the plane and she did a human interest story on them.
I even made the thermodynamically challenged Cristina famous, though she didn't stick around to say goodbye. Strange..
The rest of us went to the airport bar, where I had to spring for Carlos's beer because he was broke again.
All in a day’s work in the Amazon.
I've got a million of these.
Is this a great Industry or what?
We had some co-op kids that we have had fun with. Sent one for the aluminum magnet, and the 15in metric adjustable. Sending apprentices for 50 feet of flight line is good too. One of the more fun ones is on the B727 though - do a ground test of the autopilot and have someone feel how hot it gets behind the engagement paddles, hit the autopilot disengage switch on the column, and voila, slightly sore fingers.
Or tell the Captain that you put "hardener" in his seat cushion, bet he snags the seat at the next stop....
Doc wrote:I had the lady at the CVG terminal page Mike Hunt, several times before she turned red and slinked off the scene...
I had a friend whose name really was Mike Hunt. A bunch of us went out shopping one day (summer camp type of thing, car pooled into town in a shared vehicle). Anyways, we got separated and tried having him paged. The woman at customer service thought it was a crude joke, and refused.
Sending someone for a 'long stand' is a classic one - been around forever. I also like sending someone for black & white striped paint for a prop.
A very young French FA was doing her first line indoc flight on a dash 8. During the crew briefing she was asked if they taught her about the manual flush override in ground school. After replying no the crew explained to her that the lav doesn't flush properly all the time. In order to make sure the lav is working properly she had to enter the cockpit and push the manual flush override switch. After hitting the switch she had to wait for a horn to sound signaling the lav was clear.
For three days of line indoc, with the same crew every time she noticed someone come out of the lav she entered the cockpit and hit the manual flush override switch. Fast forward to her next pairing with a different crew. Upon seeing pax leave the lav she walked into the cockpit to hit the manual flush override then turned and walked out. On her third attempt the captain grabbed her arm and asked what the hell she was doing? Picture a cocky 19 year old French FA answer "I'm hitting the manual flush override." No, your turning off the autopilot!!
A very young French FA was doing her first line indoc flight on a dash 8. During the crew briefing she was asked if they taught her about the manual flush override in ground school. After replying no the crew explained to her that the lav doesn't flush properly all the time. In order to make sure the lav is working properly she had to enter the cockpit and push the manual flush override switch. After hitting the switch she had to wait for a horn to sound signaling the lav was clear.
For three days of line indoc, with the same crew every time she noticed someone come out of the lav she entered the cockpit and hit the manual flush override switch. Fast forward to her next pairing with a different crew. Upon seeing pax leave the lav she walked into the cockpit to hit the manual flush override then turned and walked out. On her third attempt the captain grabbed her arm and asked what the hell she was doing? Picture a cocky 19 year old French FA answer "I'm hitting the manual flush override." No, your turning off the autopilot!!
In examining the journey log following an engine change on the Beech 18 I had been flying, I noticed the engineer had incorrectly assigned the serial number and engine change details to the right engine, instead of the left - which was the one they had been working on for several days. There was intense pressure to get the aircraft operational and the task hadn't gone smoothly so people were understandably on edge. I pulled the straightest face I could muster and charged into the DOM's office exclaiming "OMG this is a nightmare! Your guys have pulled the wrong engine! I can't believe this is happening!" The DOM, who had been preoccupied with other things, and not following the engine change too closely, leaped out of his chair in horror, grabbed the logbook and after checking the entry, exploded out the door in a panic - cursing and swearing as he left. We all had a good laugh over that one.
Cheers,
Kirsten B.
Was this the engine you changed in after the catastrophic engine failure near Red Lake? I'd be pissed too.
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no sig because apparently quoting people in context is offensive to them.
Working the ramp at an FBO in YYC. These all happened to the same girl (she was the only M&M in a bowl of Smarties)
1. This girl, let us call her Sally, was a CSR at the time. It was a quiet night and we were bored. A few weeks earlier she screwed up on not notifying us of an incoming flight and we were caught playing catch up with all the requirements they needed. So with the help of a few fantastic mechanics in our hangar they allowed us to use the radio in one of their aircraft. My accomplice put on a thick heavy southern American twang and called up on the UNICOM that he was a GV N123YZ inbound in 15 mins on a quick turn. He needed to confirm that the 2 limos would be waiting as well as the catering for the crew and passengers continuing on.
Well there is a slight pause and she then asks confirmation again of this plane. My accomplice explains it all again. She appologizes that we do not have anything in the books for said request and then asks if they have the right FBO.
"Of course we have the right FBO. Why would a Shell aircraft go anywhere else other then a Shell FBO?" Again another pause. She then asks when the request was called in and to whom. "Ahhhh stand by...." says my accomplice. "Ahhhh... my captain says he talked to a Sally. Called last Monday to arrange everything." (She was on shift of course)
Well by this time (we are listening to the conversation in the back) I go to the front desk and ask what is going on. She is in tears, literally, saying she did not get this call and what is she going to do. Well we cannot let the poor girl bawl her eyes out so I get on the radio and say the jig is up.
She never spoke to us for a very long time.
2. Sally is now working the ramp as a helper. Her and I are walking through the hangar I have a stroke of shear brilliance. I swear and say I forgot to get a tenant of ours a case of K9P turbine oil for their jet. I mention we are all out and she will have to run to the other FBO on the field to go get some. As she is going over there we call and give them the heads up. Well they of course do not have any either so they send her down to Kenn Borek for a case. Someone there must of put her straight as she came back cursing and swearing at us (again) of how we sent her for dog piss.
Sally never spoke to us for a very much longer time.
3. Picture a cold winter day. It had been snowing all day. Now our de-icing equipment was a 50gal drum with a gas powered pump to deice smaller aircraft. Anything bigger then a G-string would be pushing the limits of this thing. UPS was, at that time, parking just south of the FBO and they were driving the 757. 1hr prior to their departure we told Sally that UPS needed deicing as their deicing truck broke down (they had a several hundred gallon boom truck for said operation) and needed us to give them a spray. So we bundled her up in the goggles, the deicing suit, the mask, etc etc etc, hooked up the little gas powered deice cart to the tug and sent her on her way to the 57. Told her we will be along shortly with the ladder to assist her but to go ask where they want us to start and she could get the hose out and such. She came back, once again, cursing our names till she was blue in the face of how we embarrassed her.
Sally has never spoken to us since.
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Kowalski: Sir, we may be out of fuel.
Skipper: What makes you think that?
Kowalski: We've lost engine one, and engine two is no longer on fire.
we bundled her up in the goggles, the deicing suit, the mask, etc etc etc
This reminds me of a prank my cousin told me about during his Navy Submarine days.
Pranks that also involve visual humiliation are the best I think.
They tell the new guy they have to retrieve the mail from the mail buoy that had been dropped nearby. He is to swim out to the buoy but first needs to slather a thick coat of grease all over himself to prevent hypothermia.
As the victim greases himself up friends discretely come up asking can they have his Walkman tape player etc in the unlikely event something goes wrong.
As the now grease covered fellow sits psyching himself up for the cold water swim in the North Atlantic he is gradually let in on the joke with bizarre instructions such as the hand signals for "am drowning require assistance vs am drowning. save yourselves" or "package marked postage due".