Joke of the Day

[Expat]

Stolen from PPRuNe.

A Korean couple was relaxing in bed when the guy cut a gigantic fart.
"What was that?" asked the wife.
"It was the dog," her husband replied.
"Shut up" retorted the wife, "The dog was cooked perfectly."

Which reminds me that my Korean GF said a while age that I ate dog, and even said after the meal that it was succulent.
Now, if someone would just eat the son of a b8tch barking every night at my window!

[Darkwing Duck]

Stolen from PPRuNe.

A Korean couple was relaxing in bed when the guy cut a gigantic fart.
"What was that?" asked the wife.
"It was the dog," her husband replied.
"Shut up" retorted the wife, "The dog was cooked perfectly."

Which reminds me that my Korean GF said a while age that I ate dog, and even said after the meal that it was succulent.
Now, if someone would just eat the son of a b8tch barking every night at my window!

Why are you not spelling bitch properly? It is not offensive. That dog that barks under your window really is a son of a bitch.

[Shiny Side Up]

A man is drinking with his wife when out of the blue, he announces,
"I love you."
"Is that you or the beer talking?" She asks.
"It's me" he says, "talking to the beer."

[Siddley Hawker]

A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant."
He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"
She said, "I think it must be the second coming."
The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think it's the second coming?".
She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one........"

[Siddley Hawker]

He grasped me firmly, but gently, just above my elbow and guided me into a room, his room. Then he quietly shut the door and we were alone. He approached me soundlessly, from behind, and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear.
"Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and moving upward along my calves, slowly but steadily. My breath caught in my throat.

I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure. When his hands moved up onto my thighs, I gave a slight shudder, and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. I felt his knowing fingers caress my abdomen, my rib cage.
And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply.

Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, he brought his hands to my shoulders, slid them down my tingling spine and into my panties. Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. This is a man, I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking 'No' for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say . . . .



"Okay ma'am, you can board your flight now."

[Phlyer]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

[Expat]

[Shiny Side Up]

Well since we're on to Little Johnny jokes...

One day Little Johnny goes fishing with his Grampa. They're out in the boat on the lake and after an hour Grampa takes a plug of tobacco out of his pocket and breaks off a piece for a chew. Little Johnny sees this and says "Grampa, can I try a piece of your tobacco?"

Johnny's Grampa replies "Is your dink long enough to tough your asshole?"

Johnny says no, so Grampa tells him "Well then you ain't old enough to chew tobacco."

Little Johnny is a bit confused by this and goes back to fishing. Another hour goes by and the fish aren't biting, when Grampa takes off his hat where he hides his package of cigarettes. He lights one up and takes a break from fishing to enjoy it. Little Johnny never having tried a cigarette before asks Grampa if he can try a puff.

Again Grampa's response is "Is your dink long enough to touch your asshole?"

And again Johnny answers no, and Grampa refuses with another "Well then you ain't old enough to have a smoke."

Johnny thinks about this and goes back to fishing. The day wears on and they have no luck with the fish, so Grampa fishes a beer he had hidden in their cooler, cracks it open and has a drink. Johnny realises that he has forgotten to bring anything to drink for the day and asks his Grampa to try a sip of his beer. Again his Grampa denies little Johnny with the same reasoning. Frustrated little Johnny ponders what his Grampa has told him when he remembers that he has a candybar from the day before in his jacket pocket. He quickly retrieves it, unwraps it and takes a bite - the day of fishing ain't that bad. Grampa sees this and says "Hey Johnny, I sure would like a bite of that candybar"

Johnny thinks for a moment and then replies "Well Grampa, is your dink long enough to touch your asshole?"

Grampa says "It sure is"

So Johnny says "Good, then you can go @#$! yourself because you ain't getting none of my candybar."