Guard Police

rxl · Post by **rxl** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 11:35 am

Anyone else getting a little tired of the almost constant unprofessional chatter on 121.5 that is particularly prevalent in US airspace?
Heard last night on guard just north east of DFW - "We have a fire in the cockpit! Smoke in the cockpit! Declaring an emergency! Where is the nearest airport?" Any guesses as to what the very first reply was???
"YOU'RE ON GUARD!"
If you can't be of any assistance then STFU!

bezerker · Post by **bezerker** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 1:32 pm

Hahahaha!

121.5:

"Where is he?" (Imagine in a drawn out, sweetly asking male voice)

Few mins later:

"Where is he?"

Few mins later again:

"Where is he?"

Then the inevitable:

"YOU'RE ON GUARD!"

First voice again (sounding very satisfied):

"Ahhh, there he is."

Thanks for the laugh TT.

plhought · Post by **plhought** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 2:34 pm

There was an eloquent and beautiful Al Maitland-esque poem/story on Avcanada a while ago about a self-professed 'Gaurd Police'. Wonder where it went.

DanWEC · Post by **DanWEC** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 3:18 pm

Here's that terrific novella by Henri....
Notice the link still has my search queries in it, the words I was sure to find it were toothpick and mullet.

http://www.avcanada.ca/forums2/viewtopi ... et#p762012

privateer · Post by **privateer** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 4:35 pm

I find the Guard police more prevalent around the Eastern US. Here's a good one I heard awhile back.

On 121.5
"United 123 position **** FL330 deviating for build-up North of track **** and descending to FL327 all aircraft in vicinity advise. "

RJ pilot comes on, "YOU'RE ON GUARD."

Crusty old Captain comes on the freq with his big engines spooling away in the background, "HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON GUARD YOU F***ing idiot."

Priceless silence ensues.

rxl · Post by **rxl** » Thu Oct 01, 2015 6:09 pm

An RJ pilot would never do that.

Bede · Post by **Bede** » Fri Oct 02, 2015 2:59 pm

Anyone notice that the guard police has no female members?

pianokeys · Post by **pianokeys** » Fri Oct 02, 2015 4:52 pm

I'm gonna start replying/singing to the Guard Police with a re-worked version of "Dream Police" by Cheap Trick that I call "Guard Police!".

TG · Post by TG » Fri Oct 02, 2015 11:16 pm

privateer wrote:I find the Guard police more prevalent around the Eastern US. Here's a good one I heard awhile back.

On 121.5
"United 123 position **** FL330 deviating for build-up North of track **** and descending to FL327 all aircraft in vicinity advise. "

RJ pilot comes on, "YOU'RE ON GUARD."

Crusty old Captain comes on the freq with his big engines spooling away in the background, "HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE ON GUARD YOU F***ing idiot."

Priceless silence ensues.

I'm surprise, no reaction from the "Any confliction" guard

Lateralus · Post by **Lateralus** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 6:27 am

I dont find it such a big deal in Canada. The Americans however are awful. I have 30 years of my career left and I dream of the day that I fly to the U.S. and not hear a bunch of morons calling company on 121.5 and then the guard police calling them out. I have my doubts as it happens every single time I am in the U.S.

rxl · Post by **rxl** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 8:51 am

Lateralus wrote:I dont find it such a big deal in Canada. The Americans however are awful. I have 30 years of my career left and I dream of the day that I fly to the U.S. and not hear a bunch of morons calling company on 121.5 and then the guard police calling them out. I have my doubts as it happens every single time I am in the U.S.

Exactly. I've been listening to it for 30 years now. It wasn't funny the first time and it's certainly not funny now.

BTD · Post by **BTD** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 10:23 am

It is always much better to say "guard" like a pirate

Siddley Hawker · Post by **Siddley Hawker** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 1:09 pm

It is always much better to say "guard" like a pirate.

Yaaarrrr!! You be on guard matey!
I like it.

ea306 · Post by **ea306** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 1:52 pm

I also hear a lot of annoying chatter on 121.5 in Western Europe... Idiots entertaining themselves with stupid noises... Sometimes the only operational option is to turn the radio volume down for a few minutes and let the none sense pass....which defeats the whole purpose of monitoring 121.5. Very annoying.

In the Baltics and Turkey you will hear some occasional chitter chatter..but not as much as....but also on occasion you will hear an ATC Unit trying to track down a flight that has missed a hand over frequency...or the military trying to reach an unidentified aircraft that has violated airspace. Both are appropriate uses of the Guard Frequency of course.

Wish people would respect the 121.5 frequency for its intended purpose...and the "Guard Police" would stop their contribution to the clutter.

FICU · Post by **FICU** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 2:06 pm

I always figured the guard police were asses in Ontario.

av8ts · Post by **av8ts** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 3:38 pm

Love the guard police. Best is when you get 7 or 8 GUARD ( pirate voice) in a row

DanWEC · Post by **DanWEC** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 4:20 pm

Northwestern Saskatchewan has a self appointed 126.7 sentry. (Yes, 26.7, not even guard). Crusty old guy with a small float op, who apparently forgot how to smile sometime back in the Cretaceous. If anyone says a sentence to another airplane that doesn't include a location or heading you'll be rewarded with an instantaneous "Find another frequency". Over and over, all day long. Thank god, for without him, we'd all be lost.

upintheair_ · Post by **upintheair_** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 4:28 pm

He would have an aneurysm flying around Red Lake and NW Ontario.

DanWEC · Post by **DanWEC** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 4:31 pm

We'd often just ignore him and keep on talking, often happened discussing fire locations. Slightly important if you're in an airplane. Everybody needs a hobby!

Lateralus · Post by **Lateralus** » Sat Oct 03, 2015 7:39 pm

DanWEC wrote:Northwestern Saskatchewan has a self appointed 126.7 sentry. (Yes, 26.7, not even guard). Crusty old guy with a small float op, who apparently forgot how to smile sometime back in the Cretaceous. If anyone says a sentence to another airplane that doesn't include a location or heading you'll be rewarded with an instantaneous "Find another frequency". Over and over, all day long. Thank god, for without him, we'd all be lost.

I laughed at that one. I think all of us know "that guy".

Canoehead · Post by **Canoehead** » Sun Oct 04, 2015 4:18 pm

People who abuse 121.5 are as bad as the knobs who point lasers at us.

NotDirty! · Post by **NotDirty!** » Sun Oct 04, 2015 4:45 pm

Canoehead wrote:People who abuse 121.5 are as bad as the knobs who point lasers at us.

Sorry... not even close!! They may be immature, annoying, etc., but they are just bored pilots who are filling the airwaves, and likely know enough to shut up and leave the frequency if a legitimate user needs it.

Laser pointers can damage your vision, possible causing permanent injury. Fortunately there haven't been any accidents caused by them, but it is likely just a matter of time before somebody on the ground or in the back of the plane gets hurt because the pilot was blinded while trying to land. Please do not pass off these laser incidents as minor annoyances, they are not even in the same ballpark!

Canoehead · Post by **Canoehead** » Mon Oct 05, 2015 7:07 am

Never called them minor annoyances. And I stand by what I said.

av8ts · Post by **av8ts** » Tue Oct 06, 2015 5:49 am

As Notdirty said not even close and a little scary you don't see the difference

Canoehead · Post by **Canoehead** » Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:38 am

Ok thanks

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