"Security," My Arse, Rant - Again....

[sky's the limit]

Ok,


Just need to get this out for the sake of self therapy, it's either this or self-medication.... Or booze, actually, booze sounds good, but I digress.

I really feel for you Airline types who go through this shit on a daily basis, I'm fairly certain I couldn't do it. You have my respect for that, if not your uniforms.

Came out of the bush today after a 33 day shift, flying tonnes, 14hrs duty every day, working on 2.5hrs hours sleep, and all I want to do is go home quietly and spend some time with the Wife. But YXY security has other plans...

After walking through the metal detector with no beeps:

"Excuse me sir, I need to do a secondary sweep."

"Sure, have at it."

"I'm going to need you to spin around five times like some half baked ballerina so I can get this wand to work."

"Sure, whatever floats your boat."

"Thank you sir, now I need to see behind your watch...."

"Um, WHAT??? There's no way you're looking back there Top Notch Security Guy, because that's where I'm hiding the AK-47 I'm about to hijack this 737 with. You see, I want divert to Dease Lake, 33 nights in a Wall Tent weren't sufficient, and I hear it's nice this time of year..."

"Thank you sir, now I need to see underneath your belt..."

"No way Rambo, you've just confiscated my AK, and how am I possibly supposed to get to Dease Lake if you steal the Suicide Belt from me as well? My days as a respected Terrorist will be over!"

Back and forth we go for about 5 minutes at 0630 this morning, finally I'm down to bare feet if you can believe it. What is with this shit??? Can people be SO ignorant to the real threats that they just let this continue? Never mind, of course they are.


Thus, my trip to YVR was ruined.... What can you do but laugh at these people? If it weren't for the Millions being wasted on it, I would.

Regards,

stl

PS I travel EVERYWHERE with a 300ml tube of Torque Seal, and a 500ml tube of Sensodine in my carry-on, they've yet to find it.... I feel safer.

[Cat Driver]

STL.....this is proof positive that we are being governed by morons......

How do they find people willing to force this madness on the flying public?

When do people finally say enough of this crap and not fly airlines?

[ei ei owe]

Why was your YVR trip entirely ruined? Did you miss the flight because of it?

[Freddy_Francis]

I have a question about the whole liquid gel security

Didnt a terrorist group try the same plan in 1993?(or whatever year it was) and it failed? did airport security go all nuts like it is now? or was it just brushed off?

[sky's the limit]

Why was your YVR trip entirely ruined? Did you miss the flight because of it?

Did I miss the flight, no. But you tell me how that's supposed to be an acceptable outcome of this process?

Couple that with 33 consecutive 14hr days, 125hrs in a difficult environment in the last 21 days, and about 2.5hrs of sleep, and you get one seriously pissed off traveler who stews about it for a couple hours. Normally, I just ignore it, but given the above circumstances, my capacity for propaganda style bullshit is rather limited. Especially when I'm paying for it.

Anyway, I'm over it now, the bottle of Chianti is open....

stl

[ettw]

Chianti? Jeese STL couldnt do something harder?

I was pulled aside one day in YFB by security.

"Good afternoon sir, you've been selected for non passenger screening"

"But I'm a red card carrying pilot!"

"Thats right sir, you're not a passenger"

So out goes everything from 5 different pockets in my flight suit, plus pants pockets.

Spin around while you get wanded. I should add that while this is happening the passengers checking in at Canadian North are looking at each other and me "is that guy a pilot, what did he do wrong, how come they're checking him...is he a terrorist?"

Anyways, when its all said and done, they won't let me take my leatherman on the airside!

"Ah I'm a Twin Otter pilot. I go out 200 miles and find a spot of reasonably flat dirt at least 600 feet long. That kinda dictates carrying a leatherman."

"Nope" is their response.

"When you go out on the land on your skidoo or 4 wheeler don't you carry a leatherman or tool kit?" I asked.

"Thats not at issue" the dick with a plastic badge responds.

So I go out the terminal front door and thru the gate and walk down to the fuel pumps.

I'm so fed up with this set up. In the end, mark my words, the security people are gonna mess up and they'll let someone thru with something bad. But in the meantime they sure are making my life hell!

Cheers,

ETTW

PS I know they're just doing their job but they still piss me off!!!!

[Gurundu the Rat]

Just do what I do. Carry a picture of yourself in the flight deck holding the crash axe. Really makes them feel like morons. Seriously though, when are we gonna stand up for ourselves and just stop flying until they stop this bull$hit.

[sh*t magnet]

We had a security audit the other day, seems I can't have a pocket knife, (a cheap swiss army copy) in my office for opening the mail. Security took it, and I was allowed to pick it up from their office once I was on my home and out of the secure area. twelve feet (I measured it) is our kitchen, where we keep the butcher knives. When one security guy asked the supervisor about the knives he says "there allowed to be here because it's a kitchen" but he wouldn't give me my pocket knife back.

I feel safer already............

[. ._]

This is necessary, because all children of the western world will die if a pilot brings a knife on a plane that he/she is flying. This is a fact. Deal with it.

If you disagree, you are a terrorist.

-istp

[1000 HP]

Time for a revolution. Join F.U.N.G.U.S. now!

[just curious]

I should, I suppose, edit this thread.

However, on my last visit east, I ran into the same dedicated Catsa man, and had to leave my leatherman in the office.

At the same time I was getting frisked, my co-pilot boarded the pax. A dozen Inuit with Lee-Enfields.

Okay, I can't fault the intentions of this security stuff. But did Nasa really lay off that many rocket scientists? And who knew they were all Canadian citizens at Nasa?

[2R]

Canadian Air Transport Security Authority must be paying attention cause they have now brought in some Security Specialist 's .The SS letters will be added to catsa to spell catsass





They will be known as the 'CATSASS' of the security world

[FrankD]

My Personal Favourite Security Story:

First the background...when I was 11 I shattered my arm, and by shattered I mean broken in four places with the bone sticking out of one spot. To repair the break took 12 screws and 2 metal plates, all still a part of me. To get this hardware in obviously took a large incision and by large I mean palm of my hand to an inch above my elbow and it's not a pretty scar either.

So I'm flying home from Calgary after a week long sales trip. I'm tired and I want nothing more to come home and see my wife. Going through security, in a short sleeved shirt, I set off the detector. The guy asks me to step forward and get wanded...no big deal. As he passes over my arm it beeps. I explain about the hardware and show him my scar. His response...."do you have any medical proof of this injury?" Stunned, I reply, "other than the scar going from my plam to my elbow?!" He then informs me that he needs to see a letter from my doctor or a copy of my x-rays verifying my story. After several minuts of discussions his supervisor comes over and asks to see my arm and pat it down. I say sure. He is happy and waves me through. Apparently it was this kids first week on the job, but seriously...that was retarded.

ladies and gentleman sleep safe, our front lines are well protected

[just curious]

SO that al queda doesn't realize how easy it would be to infilitrate the lake harbour sked.

[the_professor]

He then informs me that he needs to see a letter from my doctor or a copy of my x-rays verifying my story. After several minuts of discussions his supervisor comes over and asks to see my arm and pat it down.

That is f'ing retarded, and apparently, so is that kid.

The Israelis use experts in psychological screening to protect their flights, while we're hiring people who can barely navigate their way to work each morning...

STL's story is also ridiculous -- checking behind someone's watch? That's just idiotic.

Monty Python should make a movie about Canadian airport security and security screeners...

[sky's the limit]

while we're hiring people who can barely navigate their way to work each morning...

Monty Python should make a movie about Canadian airport security and security screeners...

Lol,

My thoughts exactly....

I also love the retinal scanner at the South Terminal in YVR, didn't they ever see Never Say Never again....


stl

[Inverted2]

Shortly after Sept 11th, I had a security screener look under my RING! No it wasnt a big Mr.T one, just a little college sized one!

[Jim N]

I also love the retinal scanner at the South Terminal in YVR....

stl

Don't even get me started on those stupid biometrics. A couple of weeks ago I was welding....Long story short I sizzled my fingers pretty good. Apparently this made my fingertips unreadable. Trying to go airside in the YVR transborder area, where they only have the fingerprint reader, was unsuccessful despite ten minutes of trying. The guard's suggestion? Go to where they have a retina scan instead. The problem is it is about a kilometer away and my vehicle was just outside the door, which would have been a two klick round trip to get back to.

Instead, I left the terminal and went to the North Gate (about 300 metres), flashed my pass as there are no biometrics there and proceeded airside....This is supposed to make us safer how? Anything that can be bypassed that easily is completely useless IMHO.

Besides, at least half of the perimeter fence at YVR is plastic. I kid you not, plastic snow fence. Why try so hard with security in the terminal if someone can get airside with nothing more than a Bic lighter or some scissors?

[swede]

These airport security types are unbelievable. The degree of idiocy and anal ness coming from them is truly astounding. They must think they are super important up in yxy ville because a heavy got diverted there on 911, poor sob's - but I digress. These people are a hair net away from flipping burgers at McD's, but they think they're rocket scientists. And they are oh so serious the whole thing is the biggest crock of shite that ever hit the fan - I truly wish them and the assholes that instituted this crap would head for the moon, or points beyond - it's sickening, and the biggest waste of space, time and money that ever came down the pike - end rant.

[Cat Driver]

And it is making flying by airlines so frustrating that the industry may not survive it as people just say fu.k it it ain't worth going through all this useless bullshit.

[Guido]

And it is making flying by airlines so frustrating that the industry may not survive it as people just say fu.k it it ain't worth going through all this useless bullshit.

that's what I did on my trip out east a couple of weeks ago. I could've flown out to Halifax for about $40 less, and 20 hours less travel time, but I took the train instead, because I've had enough of flying on a scheduled flight for now...

[North Shore]

Why try so hard with security in the terminal if someone can get airside with nothing more than a Bic lighter or some scissors?

Well, Duh....because everyone knows that those things are illegal airside, so why would they bother breaking through a plastic fence if they had to go up to the nearest securty post and hand over the contraband

[swede]

My take is they really don't want people flying. Why else the no fly lists and the security screening nonsense. Then the recent incident of having people stuck on an airplane (delta?) for 7 hrs, kids screaming, no food etc.,etc., and that type of thing is happening more all the time. Unless you can afford to charter, a train is far better - or is that going the same way to

[60N]

I have to agree that the upgraded security that we all experience when we travel is nothing more than smoke and mirrors designed not to stop terrorism but to appeaze the travelling public. It is mearly window dressing. On the bright side, I did find out that one of my steel toed boots was missing a steel shank. That will teach me for buying off the discount rack, but hey I am a pilot. Isn't that where we all shop. With regards to CATSA, I was in YEG the other day and saw a CATSA agent walking side by side with a CMA F/O who was getting lunch for him and the Capt. I thought to myself seeing both of them side by side in their uniforms, the CATSA agent is probably making double the salary as the CMA guy. What is wrong with that picture??? Why is it that almost all the CATSA agents either look like dweebs who live in their parents basements or are immigrants. These are the people we are intrusting our aircraft security to.Please, spare me.

[FamilyGuy]

Good thing we don't do "profiling" in Canada.

Some of them CATSA folks wouldn't pass muster me thinks.